


I See Fire

by drelfina



Series: the Geisha Network [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Geisha, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Hello Shisui you looking fine today, Love Language, M/M, Multi, No angst here, Team 7 makes a brief appearance, Wavy Hair Uchiha Shisui, Worldbuilding, a hint of gore if you know anything about Uchiha, awkward ANBU are Awkward, cameo appearance of someone cool at the end, curly haired Umino Iruka, geisha au, just screaming about slow burn, non-standard hair types, see how many kinds of love language you can spot in this, super fucking slow burn, surprise! Guess where this is going, sweet potato ANBU, this is so fucking slow guess when they finally get into the same room
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 01:55:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18982843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drelfina/pseuds/drelfina
Summary: In which Iruka is back at work in his Geisha House several months later, and oh, he's been assigned his first maiko.Good luck Iruka-sensei.Who would have thought being a geisha was so hard?Title from: I See Fire, by Ed Sheeran. Chapter titles from various other songs, including Over the Misty Mountain Cold, the Last Goodbye, and at one point, ABBA.UPDATE: Chapter 13: OMAKE 2: Kabedon OuttakeWhat if tenzou had been a little more literal minded in Chapter 9?AKA the Kabedon Outtake.THE STORY IS COMPLETE: but there will be omake and outtakes! KEEP AN EYE OUT.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> so I couldn't wait to start posting this, I had had to make some edits. Part 2 had actually been written semi-concurrently with Part 1, which means that the ending of Part 1 actually was written after Part 2's beginning, and I had to edit Part 2 a little before I could start posting. 
> 
> This Part 2 was a giant pain in the ass because they wouldn't get into the same room for ages. So buckle in guys, this is a long ride into the hell that is Slow Fucking Burn, So Slow I am Scream.

Shisui honestly didn't expect to wake up. His head hurt so badly, he felt like he was bleeding it - pain, blood, chakra, everything pouring out of him like a rush of a river. 

It was ironic. 

His name meant _still waters_ , and maybe his parents thought it had been a suitable shinobi name, but he was dying and his clan was going to die, the coup was going to go ahead and he had to. 

Had to. 

Warn Itachi. 

Because Shisui couldn't do it. He'd been betrayed, poisoned, strength sapped and swallowed up and for all he knew that Aburame and all of Danzo's Root were on his heels, ready to rip him apart and tear his remaining eye from his head while he screamed. 

No. 

He'd give it to Itachi first. He'd _die_ first. 

He collapsed at the river, right where it spilled over a steep drop, and Itachi - thank the gods, was there, even as his lungs were screaming for his cousin to run. 

"Shisui? Shisui- what - oh _kamisama_." 

"Itachi," Shisui said, and he could taste blood in his mouth. "Don't trust. Root. Danzo. He took the mangekyo. Take the other, please- " 

His cousin was the strongest of them both. Of them _all_. No one could match him, except maybe the Hokage, surely.. 

Surely he could be fine, if he had Shisui's mangekyo. He'd be safe. 

"Shisu- No, don't. Cousin, I'll take care of it. I'll _fix_ it." 

Shisui closed his eye, and then it was dark.


	2. One of Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka gets a new maiko. 
> 
> He's arriving _today_.

_Iruka-kun_ , began Satsuki-niisama's letter, _I wanted this to come from me. Know that I have plenty of misgivings of this particular assignment, but I was almost unanimously overruled. However, if you should feel any discomfort at all, any issues, I will have it reassigned even to the disapproval of all the others._

That had sounded ominous. 

It was coded just for Iruka, from Satsuki-niisama, but it also was in an official scroll, sealed with three of the other onee-sama and onii-sama's official seals, Mutsuki-oneesama, Minazuki-oniisama, and Shiwasu-oneesama. First, sixth, and twelfth of all of them. He'd only received a scroll marked by that particular order of seals before - which was when Iruka'd been assigned the safehouse. It was an official assignment, given to him and approved by _all_ of the top Geisha, the first through to the twelfth. 

It meant that whatever Satsuki-niisama's misgivings, it was far too important for Iruka to _not_ take it. 

Iruka steeled himself further - already tense from seeing the three seal-combination when a hawk - not at all subtle - had dropped it off for him - and read on. 

_You have been assigned to mentor and continue the training of a new maiko. His background is unorthodox; unlike many of the other maiko we take on, he is long past the Academy graduation, and was actually a fully-fledged field shinobi. Hokage-sama had ordered his integration into our network as soon as possible. For safety and clearance reasons, you are not to know his original identity in any aspect. He is Ensui, and has only been trained for two years. However, due to numerous concerns, it has been decided that he will be placed with you to oversee the remainder of his training until you judge him ready to take the mizuage._

That was… unexpected. Of all assignments, Iruka didn't expect something like this. After that… _incident_ , he most definitely had not expected this. His thighs - itched, just because he thought of it and he took a deep breath. 

He rolled up the assignment scroll again, dropping it on his desk, hands curling to the edge of his desk, pushing down the automatic urge to curl his fingers against his thighs, and stood, undoing his braid, just needing to _move_. 

It was automatic, letting his hair fall loose and curling before he headed to start pinning it up. 

He paused when his hands hovered above the wood pins. 

The wood pins that Tenzou had given him - each from a different wood, subtle twists in the grains, gorgeous in their understated elegance, and incredibly comfortable for him to wear on a daily basis. 

But if this new assignment, this maiko he was to receive, today, was coming - new and who knew in what exact condition… 

Iruka had to appear at his best - he had to be a worthy model and mentor. It's been _months_ after all, and the scars were as faded as they'd be after the healing. In the mirror, no one else would be able to tell that he had had to break himself of the habit of digging his fingers in against the - the marks Mizuki had left. 

He exhaled and picked out the gold kanzashi - the ones that were a multitude of little beaten gold petals that made it looked like his hair dripped sakura blossoms made of gold. The gold at least picked out his more golden complexion, and fit well with most of his kimono except the blue and silver one. 

Which he didn't have, anymore. 

*** 

So of course - and this was going to be just plain _typical_ \- his new mentee Ensui just turned up at his doorstep in a plain common yukata. 

"Iruka-dono?" said Ensui, blinking at him and then grinning easily because Iruka knew just what he looked like, and many, _many_ shinobi reacted just that way. "Man, you're a sight for sore eyes. All I've been seeing for the past two days were trees." 

"You're just wearing a-" Iruka said, gesturing. His first impression of Ensui? 

Pretty and slender, but there was a dangerous lilt to the way he held himself, tipped forward the slightest bit as if he was already ready to run. Long wavy black hair tied back in a low ponytail down to his waist except for a very long fringe swept over his right eye and the effect would have been very striking, if he wasn't dressed in what looked like a workman's plain, somewhat tattered, yukata and pants. 

"This? I was travelling," Ensui said. "Not bad," he gestured, when Iruka looked askance at him. "The wards, i mean. Subtle, if i weren't a -" he stopped, tripped over the word, and for a moment looked even more pale than he already was. "If I weren't looking, I guess I would have missed them." 

"I didn't set them," Iruka said, "I'm not a seals-master, they were already set up before I was assigned here. Please come in, Ensui-san." 

"Thanks, i'm _dying_ for a shower." 

Iruka exhaled and wondered how much _work_ he was going to have to put in. 

Clearly he could just take the kanzashi out though. Obviously wasted on Ensui.

*** 

After the man was washed up and eating, Iruka didn't feel much more optimistic. 

He knelt like a shinobi, neat and proper, of course, and he had manners, but the grace and poise was not… there. He seemed watchful, though he covered it with a smile that was just a little too broad, where the maiko that Iruka had trained with would have already learned the demure body language that was just a hint inviting and utterly unthreatening. 

"How long have you been trained?" Iruka asked, pouring them both tea. 

"After I could - sit up properly?" Ensui said, with a flash of teeth that was almost too sharp. He settled back on his heels. "One and a half years," Ensui said.

"Ah," Iruka said. That was - that was very short. 

Ensui looked like he was Iruka's age - which meant that if he'd graduated the same time Iruka had (and he was pretty sure he didn't, Iruka would have remembered him in his class, surely) he'd spent the interim time from graduation to - one and a half years ago in the field. 

The field was no place for niceties and delicacy the way Iruka had trained in. 

"Have you been … undercover before?" Iruka asked. Because maybe if there was that as a base…? 

"Nah," Ensui said, and his smile was knowing. 

Knowing, Iruka thought glumly, was alright. Arch and knowing and a tease, would work fine. But there was something incredibly predatory about Ensui, lean lines and sharp gaze and for all that he had the aristocratic bone structure and colouring that might befit a courtesan in the Daimyo's courts, he was still too damn obviously a fighter. He looked _dangerous_ , and not in the thrillseeker way. 

He was obviously - to Iruka's several years experience, far more like the chuunin he tended to have in Iruka's route than even the newest geisha apprentices. 

Satsuki-niisama must have been very, _very_ unhappy with this assignment for Iruka - Iruka didn't even know where to _start_. 

Ensui was watching him, now. "I know," he said, suddenly, "I'm not good at this." he flicked his fingers at Iruka. "Came to me as a surprise too - I'm supposed to be a prodi- very good at what I do. Control over my body, yadah yadah." His smile turned inward, self-deprecating. A little like… shame. 

Iruka tried not to wince. 

"But I'm willing to work hard," Ensui said. "I tried, very hard, back in the - uh, they never actually told me what the training place was." 

"It's the Hothouse," Iruka said. Didn't roll his eyes at Ensui's attempt not to smirk. "I know. The flower metaphors were inevitable. We just called it that amongst my intake group. It's not the official name. It doesn't have one, not really. It's nothing like the Academy." 

Ensui nodded slowly. "I tried," he said, smile falling off after a moment. "I tried very hard but.. I'm not like the others. The others are just _kids_." 

More than a handful of years younger than Ensui, Iruka knew. The difference between younger than twelve and almost twenty was far larger than twenty and twenty-eight, and the fact that twelve-year-old maiko could pick up the necessary skills faster than Ensui could must have been mortifying, especially if he had been an excellent shinobi. 

Hokage-sama must have decided this shinobi was worth retraining in a different area, for some reason, and it must gall Ensui to realise how different, and difficult it was, to do it. 

"Yes," Iruka said. "I understand. I was the oldest of my intake-batch, and it took a long time for me to catch up." Iruka reached up to tuck an escaped curl behind his ear and exhaled. "Well. We'll just start with the duties of my safehouse then, and work on the other skills as they come. Is that alright, Ensui-san?" 

"Sure, Iruka-dono," Ensui said. "You're the boss here." 

"Your mentor," Iruka corrected but he couldn't help a smile. Despite the danger and the fact that Iruka had a lot of hard work ahead of him, Ensui was very likeable. "You don't have to call me -dono. You're one of us now, not shinobi." 

"Right," Ensui said, his mouth twisting a little. "Not shinobi." 

Iruka winced. "I apologise." 

"It's fine," Ensui said with a sigh. "I just - you know, maybe if I had known this was an option before I graduated, I could have picked this instead of shinobi." 

"Maybe," Iruka agreed. 

It probably wouldn't have happened. The majority of Geisha recruits were from within their own network, and a few from the Academy. They were all trained in the basic techniques of course, to match genin, but the bulk of their training subsequently were hardly meant for shinobi life. Iruka wasn't entirely sure what about him had him picked, but he knew that Satsuki-niisama had been one of the voices for his entrance, and he'd always be grateful. He probably would never had been a good ninja. 

Mizuki had proven it. 

But Iruka had been very good in his training and took the mizuage earlier than his intake-batch; so he could see where Ensui's wistful yearning might come from. It was a very different life from shinobi. 

"As soon as you're done eating," Iruka said, "Then we'll start." 

"Sure," Ensui said. "Iruka-sensei." 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was working on chapter 5 of this Part when i found out that Ensui was the name of Nara Ensui, because fuckit this is how my life is. 
> 
> The inspiration for choosing Ensui's name actually came from Flame of Recca, one of the first anime I'd watched. Shockingly, it's also about ninja. Ensui is written as 閻水, which is Dark Water, the name of Mikagami Tokiya's ice-sword. I felt it was a fairly appropriate new-name for Shisui, because of his old life and how he'd been reborn. It also had a very nice call back to his old name (even if his old name had no kanji, fanon consensus is that his old name was either 死水 (Death Water) or 止水 (Still/stagnant water). A lot of the old fanfic in the 2000s that mentioned Shisui tended to pick Still water as his name's meaning, because we as a fandom are huge fans of dramatic irony and tragedy, and Kishimoto was already known for picking fucking punny names for his characters; it wouldn't have been beyond him to name a character who was found dead in the water (at the time, I think we weren't sure whether it was river or pond, and one of the biggest reasons to pick pond is because stagnant/still) after the place his body was found in. 
> 
> I also wanted to keep some sort of reference to water in his name; until i had found out that the Uchiha were really mostly affiliated with fire, I had always - long ago - thought that Shisui's name meant he was associated with suiton or water release. I don't know if my memory is going or not, but I _think_ there had been once a couple of fics that also played with that idea. 
> 
> In terms of Ensui's appearance: I had, before i finally found his image on the narutowiki, thought that Shisui had long straight hair like Itachi - and that he was basically a sweeter, less stern and emotionless version of a hyuuga. I also imagined that he was much older than Itachi, having had the impression that he'd been jounin for almost as long as Itachi had known of him. Four years older than him is… argh. But it does make it easier to have him be Iruka's mentee. 
> 
> Now, I'm going to head-canon that the 'unruly' art of his hair actually means that Shisui has very wavy hair, and as a shinobi, shearing it short was his way of managing it. 
> 
> If you can guess, I have naturally curly hair. I can understand his actions _completely_.


	3. We got too close to the flame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ensui sees what it takes to learn how to be geisha.

Ensui, formerly Shisui, tightened his fingers into fists, careful not to lean his elbows on the koto. His fingertips throbbed - the callouses he'd had from chakra-use and weaponry had softened a little during his convalescence, but they at least provided a tiny bit of protection for practice with the stringed instrument. They just weren't _quite_ at the right places, not for this kind of play, and Ensui was … 

Well he was frustrated, but he knew it took time to build up the dexterity and fluency in music playing. 

Everything used to come _easily_ to him, that was the problem. Ninjutsu, taijutsu, even his weakness in fuuinjutsu hadn't really been this hard - the basics were good enough, and it had been easy to hone himself into a weapon for Uchiha and Konoha. 

He had been a _prodigy_. 

But where his body had taken so easily to a new kata, to picking up almost any weapon in Konoha's arsenal and having it go where he wanted, his fingers spasmed over the strings, their notes dull and flat. 

He had a decent ear, good enough to sing bawdy songs enough to tease his younger cousins, good enough to whistle the various signals - alert, retreat, forward - and sometimes even bird-calls, but his actual singing voice? Nowhere proper in pitch. The older trainers back in the - heh - Hothouse had assured him that a good ear and good pitch was trainable, but Ensui had decided to pick up the koto instead. 

Now his fingers were protesting, and Ensui was…. Ashamed enough to not really want to practice where Iruka-sensei could _hear_ the flat mess of notes his playing produced. 

Iruka-sensei was an absolute vision of poise and grace, no matter what he did, Ensui knew. He'd also had been training at this since he was a child. Iruka-sensei could charm the pants off any battle-hardened shinobi Ensui knew, and Ensui could slaughter them just as easily. 

In another lifetime, Ensui supposed he might sigh over Iruka-sensei and his effortless grace. 

That lifetime was over. 

In this, he was going to - 

"Ensui-san? You haven't eaten lunch, I'm bringing you a tray before it gets too cold -" Iruka-sensei's voice floated through his door, and he looked up - wait, Iruka-sensei was actually going to touch - 

Ensui was up on his feet and straight across the room, managing to grab Iruka-sensei, the tray, and spin them out of the way before the trap he'd rigged spat a fireball right at face height. 

"What was _that_?" Iruka-sensei gasped, staring at the scorch mark on the opposite wall. 

"Uh, security?" Ensui said. "You didn't even dodge - of course you didn't, I forgot." 

He'd forgotten. 

Iruka-sensei summoned birds, had the chakra control of a low level shinobi, openly used seals like the house wards and small jutsu around the safehouse - he'd _forgotten_ that Iruka-sensei wasn't actually a shinobi, and he'd actually use the door handles for what they were meant for. 

"I didn't even dodge," Iruka-sensei echoed, extremely evenly. If Ensui hadn't seen his eyes widen in shock just now, he'd think the geisha was completely unaffected. 

See? Perfect _poise_. 

"Yes, well you know, security, the wards are only on the outside but in case someone gets in…" 

"The wards are more than sufficient to keep out anyone not from Konoha," Iruka-sensei said. "I think I'm seeing why your training had to be in an unorthodox environment." 

Ensui tried a disarming smile, but Iruka-sensei wasn't looking at him. He exhaled, huffing the hair out of his face automatically, because it was blocking the _view_ , and then abruptly remembered why, again, and he hurriedly smoothed it down. 

If nothing else, learning to be a geisha had given him plenty of time to learn different grooming styles and products, and his previously unruly hair that he'd thought could only be tamed by shearing it short was now soft loose waves. No one would recognise him now, not easily. 

"Eat your lunch," Iruka said prodding the tray into his chest. "You can't just skip meals while practicing for hours on end, that will do no one any good." 

"Ah, but Iruka-sensei," Ensui said, batting his eye at him, "I want to get as good as you." 

Iruka-sensei snorted, and straightened up, flicking his sleeves back into place with motions that were so ingrained they were automatic. "I had a strict regimen of music practice for four hours in the afternoon and poetry and classics in the morning and evening. But I also swapped instruments on the hour to give myself a break. Plan in rest breaks, Ensui-san. This still counts as exertion, even if you're sitting in one place." 

Ensui smiled at him, dimpling. It didn't even seem to sway Iruka-sensei's stern-ness. 

"No trying to argue otherwise," Iruka-sensei added. "Eat your lunch. After that we're going down to the town." 

Alright, _that_ , made Ensui make a face. 

Iruka-sensei's smile was crooked and just a little bit mean. 

God Iruka-sensei was a heartbreaker, none of the other shinobi knew how _mean_ Iruka-sensei was under the untouchable, perfect ice-queen facade. 

"Do I have to?" 

"Ensui-san," Iruka-sensei said with some mean and _cruel_ glee, "You have to learn how to negotiate, not just steal them." 

"The fruit were just _there_ , why haggle for them when I can just _take_ them without them noticing?" 

Iruka-sensei didn't quite roll his eyes. "I'm sure you can figure out a perfectly reasonable reason," he said sweetly. "Eat your lunch. Rest your fingers." 

"Rest my fingers by feeling up plums you mean." 

"If that's what turns you on," Iruka-sensei said blandly, and swept away while Ensui tried to figure out whether he SHOULD be impressed or shocked. 

*** 

Watching Iruka-sensei at the marketplace was an education in itself - the way he moved was, at first glance like a simple arc of a kunai's flight. Unidirectional, straight, true. 

Ensui trailed after him, managing not to get his kimono sleeves caught in anything, and only with his own ninja-honed kinesthetic sense was he able to not fall into anything. Or fall over anyone. He'd already learned to compensate for his monocular vision, but walking like this amongst people made his feet itch for the rooftops. 

But he couldn't - this was a civilian town, rowdy and crowded and they would actually _care_ about people sneaking about on their rooftops. He'd already catalogued that said roofs were not reinforced in any real manner - he'd have to put in quite a bit of effort to stay light on his feet. 

Being on the ground amongst _people_ made everything in him _itch_. 

But that was the point, wasn't it? He wasn't a shinobi anymore, someone who might walk twitchily and paranoid in the streets if he had to, or cling to the shadows. He was supposed to be a geisha, and glide through the winding narrow streets like a fish swimming amongst reeds. 

Iruka-sensei seemed to move with barely any effort - sure the crowds parted for him, people turned to stare at him and Ensui, but generally he still side-stepped any hazards like they didn't exist. Bending forward to examine produce had him stroke back his veil with a motion so delicate and absent-minded it was like reading poetry. 

Ensui was himself entranced with the way Iruka-sensei made it look so _effortless_ that it took a while for him to realise just what Iruka-sensei was doing. Openly examining fruit meant he had a reason to stand and listen to gossip. Lifting his veil at critical moments distracted the vendor, and sometimes other customers. Iruka-sensei didn't _haggle_ for produce, he judged it, and _other_ people read his expression for him and would drop their prices, throw in better options. 

He'd stop at one fruit seller but not the other - and apparently, this could force them into a price war, for Iruka-sensei's attention and money. It was fascinating - when Ensui stopped to really examine it, it was an effortless intelligence gathering session - if Fuga-san didn't try to bargain today, it meant that his wares were top-rate and he didn't feel the need to. But the odd part was, Fuga-san had, for as long as Ensui had been trailing after Iruka-sensei, always tried to bargain to get Iruka-sensei's attention. Why was his wares now, not terribly different from last week's, suddenly not worth bargaining over? 

It was later when they had returned, Iruka-sensei putting his purchases away did Ensui ask. 

"You finally noticed? Good," Iruka-sensei said. "Fuga-san is a recipient for smuggled goods. It means he's just got a shipment in." 

Ensui blinked. 

Iruka-sensei smiled. "So why do I go to the market, Ensui-san?" 

"Intelligence gathering," Ensui said slowly. 

"Your next assignment," Iruka-sensei said, his smile warming a little. "Is to figure out how _many_ smugglers there are in this town. And what are they smuggling. You have two trips to figure it out." 

And obviously, not going around sneaking in their houses to figure it out. 

"Aaaah, Iruka-sensei, that's cruel," Ensui said. 

"Is it?" Iruka-sensei said. "Perhaps I won't go with you then." 

"Ah that's _worse_!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I get a little detailed on Iruka's intel-job here. I hope it makes sense! Because while a shinobi can collect information easily, they actually live in a village - long term information gathering means you have to live outside of the village, and most of the shinobi characters in Naruto actually don't. So they can't actually act as good intelligence agents. 
> 
> So the idea here is to show what geisha can do - versus what shinobi do. Shinobi, therefore, are good at making split second analyses of immediate and evolving situations, and decide on their actions on what rapid information they acquire. Geisha, on the other hand, are involved and integrated with their societies around them, and they observe and record and analyse long term movements and patterns, thus forming the bulk of the intelligence fed into the Intel Machinery back in the village - if a forest falls in Kumo, how does it affect the price of rice in Konoha?


	4. We'll Fight as Long as We Live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not all about training his maiko; Iruka did have to some training after all.

Iruka let down his hair with a sigh. He could hear Ensui battering at the koto, determined and intent like he was every night since he'd arrived. The drive and discipline to practice was admirable, but Ensui didn't know when to _stop_. That would work to his detriment. 

Still, Ensui was intelligent, and some aspects of his work Ensui could pick up quickly. It was probably the overlapping portions of their jobs - while shinobi's intelligence gathering training was necessary to get the lay of a land immediately, shinobi always left some traces - even with their skill in disguise, people were always somewhat aware of their presence. Geisha, on the other hand, embedded themselves into the local ecology, their assignments lasting for years, long enough that Iruka could brief shinobi on missions taking place in this town and its surrounds - in fact, their mission-scrolls probably contained his own intel analyses. 

He unwound the twists of his hair until they fall apart and he could tease them carefully into parts to be braided for bed. 

The Intel portions of the job, Ensui was doing fine. It was the rest of it. While Iruka spent most of his time actually doing analysis, there was no guarantee that Ensui's posting would be like Iruka's - with his … background, and his looks, he might well be posted into one of the bigger cities. True, a bigger city meant that the Geisha House there would have several more geisha in the first place, and thus any discrepancies with Ensui's training _might_ go less noticed. However, such a posting was still liable to have Ensui come into contact with foreign personages as well as highly ranked Fire nobility. The Fire Nations' Geisha had their own reputation separate from their work as Intel Agents - they were highly desirable escorts and entertainers in their own right, and having someone whose reaction to being taken by surprise was to bare his teeth in a bloodthirsty manner (at _minimum_ ) would not… help that reputation. 

There was a reason why he was assigned to Iruka, rather than the cities, when it was also clear that the Hokage would rather have Ensui nowhere near Konoha. 

Iruka found himself wondering idly who Ensui had been before - and had to shake his head sharply. No. He was not going to try and find out, or ask. He - 

A sparrow landed on his dresser, skittering forward, and then dropped a long twig on his combs. 

Iruka paused and picked it up - it had a single flower on it - a pale pink dog-rose bud. 

Ah. 

Tonight. 

He quickly braided up his hair and left it as a tail down his back, before shedding his kimono to get yukata instead. 

He paused to consider Ensui - the previous times that his trainers had dropped by, Ensui had been asleep or hadn't arrived yet, but it sounded like Ensui was intent on mastering some tricky bit of fingering. 

Iruka wasn't supposed to know Ensui's prior life, but no one had said Iruka was supposed to keep Ensui hidden entirely. After all, his trainers were supposed to be training _all_ the geisha in defense, and they'd be dropping in and out frequently enough Ensui should know of their existence. 

Iruka turned the twig in his fingers, delicately running his thumb over the soft petal of the bud. But… maybe not now. 

He straightened his yukata, and went to Ensui's room, careful to avoid the doorknob. "Ensui-san, you should sleep now, it's getting late." 

It took half a beat longer for Ensui to come to the door than most people would - disabling or avoiding the traps he'd been setting. "Ah - I've been disturbing you, Iruka-sensei?" 

Apparently he just… did that, automatically. Iruka had found out by trial and error where he had a tendency to hook the triggers, and he'd been lucky that so far Iruka's not been more than very lightly singed. Though if any of his kimono had been burnt he'd have taken it out of the Hokage's budget. 

Shinobi paranoia. Iruka just smiled at him. "You'll do better on that fifth bar when you let your fingers rest overnight, Ensui-san. Go on to bed, return to it in the morning." 

"It's so late already? I've lost track of time. Sorry, Iruka-sensei, I'll stop now." Ensui gave him an apologetic smile, and Iruka just, nudged his shoulder. Couldn't fault his drive and discipline though. 

"Good night, Ensui-san." 

"'Night," Ensui said,and shut the door. There was a moment of absolute silence that was probably Ensui re-arming the traps and Iruka stared briefly at the ceiling. Hopefully the safehouse would survive his mentoring here. Iruka imagined it wasn't exactly cheap to rebuild one in the event it got burnt down. 

***

There was a space near the garden that technically wasn't part of the safehouse's plot, but it was easy to overlook because as far as anyone had known, it had been a dense patch of forest. When Iruka had finally returned to his safehouse last year, Tenzou had shown him the clearing he'd - or someone - had made in that patch of forest, nestled and protected by large thick-set old trees. Iruka had no idea how someone had managed it - it probably was some sort of earth jutsu, for the trees looked like they had never been growing there at all, the ground clear and packed flat. 

Tenzou was already there waiting when Iruka came out. 

"Iruka-dono," he said, tipping his head down like a semi-aborted bow. 

"You don't have to bow when you're my teacher in this," Iruka said, but he couldn't help smiling. Even after almost a year - on and off - Tenzou was still adorably awkward. 

"Aah," Tenzou said, and flushed a little. "Shall we begin? What do you remember from the last session?" 

"Your students must take dreadful advantage of you," Iruka teased. 

"Fortunately I don't - teach genin," Tenzou said, his cheeks going darker and Iruka chuckled. 

"Even most maiko would take blatant advantage," Iruka said. "How you manage not to get eaten I don't have a clue." 

Tenzou blinked huge dark eyes at him, and Iruka grinned, taking out his fan and laying it aside. 

Tenzou's specialty was actually ninjutsu and taijutsu - while Kakashi's was ninjutsu and weaponry, if you discounted actual bloodline limits and whatever else jutsu that they had. 

Considering how all geisha were trained, an automatic stabby reaction to being _touched_ wrong was only acceptable amongst Marsh Geisha, not Fire Geisha. Not even Wind Geisha would be quite so low-class as to do that. 

Thus, both Kakashi and Tenzou had been trying to figure out ways to train the geisha so they could defend themselves, but not develop a hair-trigger reaction by putting a knife in a client's eyeball. 

He knew that some shinobi had been trained by their teachers straight out attacking till they developed the right reflexes. Fortunately, that was _not_ a strategy that Tenzou nor Kakashi employed. 

Iruka rotated his wrists and fell into a relaxed stance. "I do remember, Tenzou-san. You said we'd do grappling this session." 

Tenzou nodded, and tapped his sternum in reminder for Iruka to keep his gaze there - right where most people would telegraph their movements. 

"Shall we begin then?" Iruka said, "Tenzou-san." 

*** 

Tenzou was jounin - was _ANBU_ \- for all that he was no longer wearing the mask. He could be _ridiculously_ fast if he wanted to. But he purposely made himself move slowly, telegraphing his intent as deliberately as possible - for all Iruka knew, he'd probably be able to plant himself like a tree if he wanted. 

But this was training for Iruka - he was supposed to try to learn the holds - pins. 

And even slow, Tenzou tripped him up, tipping him off his feet and tossed him - gently - to his back and. 

Then he was pinning Iruka and - 

Iruka took a deep breath and. 

"Iruka-dono," Tenzou said, eyes wide and - close. So close. 

(not silver, not - the same _weight_ and his hands were not pinned down -) 

"Break my hold, Iruka-dono. Like just now." 

Iruka's fingers twitched - Tenzou just waited. Still like the trees around them, waiting, patient. 

And… 

Barely putting any weight on Iruka, other than where Tenzou's hands were - bracketing him. 

A basic hold, he could shift and push his forearm against Iruka's throat - but Iruka could twist his hips, _bridge_ and Tenzou let himself be tossed off. 

"Good. Breathe," Tenzou told him. "Alright, Iruka-dono?" 

Iruka's breath was shuddering, but he could… 

He nodded. "Again." 

*** 

He falls, again, and again - and each time Tenzou gets him to break his hold - he holds a little firmer each time, and still gives Iruka the time and space to figure out how to twist his arms - kick at his legs to gain that inch. 

It was, after all, defense. The purpose wasn't for Iruka to kill someone - he might be able to do it, he had the chakra training and the basics from the Academy - but Iruka was not shinobi. 

Iruka didn't need to kill his opponent, he just had to be able to break a hold and get away. 

"Again?" Tenzou asked, careful. 

"Yes." How should Iruka tell him, it was alright? It - it was just the first time. Being pinned that first time. The rest of the time he could break the pins, if he had enough time to breathe, to think. 

Tenzou came at him, again, and this time - Iruka twisted out of the way, snagging him by the collar and imitating him the first time - throwing him over his hip and going down to pin Tenzou. 

Tenzou went very still - almost freezing, as Iruka pinned him just the same the first time he had earlier. 

"Iruka-dono," he breathed, very, very quietly. 

Iruka smiled at him, and Tenzou's face almost went - pink. 

"You don't have to be quite so careful, Tenzou-san," he said, and leaned down, feeling his braid slip down, possibly brushing against Tenzou's chin. 

(Did Tenzou's breath just _halt_?) 

"But thank you." 

And then Iruka was getting up, brushing himself off. "Let's try it again?" 

*** 

Tenzou hadn't intended to keep up the training for more than an hour, really. Iruka-dono was a dedicated student, and had already made time in his schedule to put in the training on a daily basis; he was… well he was here essentially as a travelling consultant of a sort. 

(Granted, he would probably have been a better _teacher_ if he could be here twenty-four-seven, but he was not only supposed to be training the other geisha, he was also still taking active missions and to be _fair_ , this was not meant to train them into _shinobi_ and Tenzou's only real model for teachers were - well. Shinobi.) 

Iruka-dono also showed himself to be a very quick study - he was slower than most - um. Shinobi his age that Tenzou knew, but he moved very well, and the fact that he'd picked up Tenzou's same move at the beginning of the session, executed it as perfectly as Tenzou had, and managed to pin him - 

Tenzou was thinking, _Oh no_. 

It had been exactly like the scenarios he'd seen on the tv-dramas he'd gotten hooked on after he'd left Root to follow Kakashi into ANBU-proper. The heroine tripping into the hero and he catches her and they fall over but she is _uninjured_ and. 

And. 

For a moment, it had been _exactly_ like. Iruka-dono had been on him, not quite as careful as Tenzou had been to not put as much weight on him. No, he'd felt Iruka-dono's almost-full weight across the length of his body, had seen his smile up close, felt his words feather across his ear and. 

And. 

Tenzou had been very careful to not put his hands anywhere _near_ inappropriate. Other than the first time, Iruka-dono had not been triggered again (this was good, this was very good, training had been slow-going the first few months because just touching his wrists had Iruka-dono… panicking, but it had lessened over the months as Iruka-dono learned confidence and weapons and…) and yet. 

Iruka-dono had kept, smiling at him, something crooked and genuine about his smile as sweat collected at his temples, loose hair that had escaped his braid twisting into cheeky little curls. He wasn't the image of a perfect geisha right now, and Tenzou wanted… 

Wanted _so much_. 

It was temptation. It was… 

"We should end here for the night," Tenzou made himself say, even as Iruka-dono fell into ready stance again. 

"Oh," Iruka-dono said. Blinking and then brushing those stray curls out of his eyes. Tenzou's own fingers had _itched_ to do that, and he curled his hands into fists, then relaxed them into a loose curve by his hips. "It is late," Iruka-dono agreed. "Do you want to have tea? Will you be staying the night?" 

_Do you want to come up for tea?_

That. That. Tenzou swallowed, thickly. "Tea is fine, Iruka-dono," he said. "But I should head back to Konoha, you're always my last stop." 

And the one he looked forward to most. 

Hnnnng. 

Iruka-dono nodded. "Come on then. That was a good session," he said, rolling his shoulders, and brushing off grass and leaves from his yukata. "I think I'm covered in _fewer_ bruises than last time." 

"I'm sorry. I mean, That's good," Tenzou's mouth said while he pushed away thoughts of _oh no I bruised up Iruka-dono_ and _Is there a way I can make it better?_

Training with shinobi usually had more than _bruises_ , which would normally would have killed a civilian - Civilians tended not to be able to cushion themselves with their chakra. Iruka-dono had that slight advantage, but Tenzou had also made _sure_ he hadn't gone any harsher than he had to. 

Iruka-dono was precious and vulnerable - he couldn't imagine anyone wanting to _hurt_ Iruka-dono. 

(Except he'd witnessed it, himself, the way the criminal Mizuki had left Iruka-dono bleeding and almost unconscious, bruised and hurt and if he hadn't had to stop the kyuubi-vessel from going full rogue, maybe Tenzou wouldn't have been able to control himself.) 

Iruka-dono smiled at him, just a hint of mischief in the curve of his mouth. "No need to apologise, Tenzou-san. Come, I think I have three new teas you might want to try." 

And then he was turning and walking towards the safehouse and that moment of privacy gave Tenzou the opportunity to - grow up a tiny little sakura sapling, have it harden and twist without branching out too much - 

It took barely any effort to shape it, the tip curving into dog-rose blooms , and three slender but strong prongs that were precisely a finger-width apart. 

Iruka-dono's finger width. 

Tenzou didn't train Iruka-dono with weaponry, that was Kakashi's part, but… he turned it over in his hand, and then tucked it into a pocket. He'd leave it for Iruka-dono to find when he left. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tenzou is a DORK and he has been watching so many soap dramas and operas since he left Root to be a Real Person and he is going to totally try out some of these lines on Iruka. 
> 
> How likely Iruka would laugh in his face at the cheesy lines is up to you to imagine LOL  
> 
> 
> * * *
> 
>   
> Watch the slow burn. THE SLOW BURRN


	5. Some Folk We Never Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka-sensei is hiding something. Ensui finds out what it is, and he's Not Happy.

Iruka-sensei was hiding something. 

Oh, Ensui was fairly sure it wasn't anything illegal; there wasn't anything particularly furtive about his behaviour. It was just that some nights in _some_ months, Iruka-sensei would particularly ensure Ensui wasn't staying up and awake, risking Ensui's traps to tell him to knock off his practice and go to sleep. 

Ensui squeezed a stress-ball and considered. Iruka-sensei had been teaching him to recognise patterns - not the kind of instinctual recognition of people's reactions that he'd learned already as one of the best (and he was not being _arrogant_ , he knew his own reputation in his previous life, he knew how he could clear a room of enemy-nin just by _glancing_ at it) shinobi in Konoha - but seeing reasons and logic behind habits and behaviour that took long and patient observation. Weeks, months. 

He'd been here for several months already, and he had been observing. 

There was no one _else_ to observe, okay. 

As maiko, he wasn't expected to entertain clients - he wasn't _allowed_ to, but he was supposed to observe and help if necessary, though Iruka-sensei was perfectly able to cope with even fairly large groups as long as Ensui provided the background music. 

So Ensui knew how Iruka-sensei behaved around clients - very differently from their own shinobi - bright sparkling laughter, soft-demure words, pretty turns of phrases. With him alone, Iruka-sensei tended to let his hair down, metaphorically. 

He was a geisha-in-training - Iruka-sensei could get _mean_ , if he wanted to, and wow had that been a bit of a headtrip when it'd first happened. His smile got crooked when he wasn't seeing clients, and quite a bit of the frosty ice-queen persona slipped away when it was just the two of them. 

So when he came those few nights, to make sure that Ensui was properly resting? When there ought to be no one else - no clients staying the night, no shinobi availing themselves of the safety of the wards and medical supplies - Iruka-sensei being just that hint of uptight, that hint of controlled, meant… 

Someone else. Someone else was here those nights. 

A secret lover? There had been no reason to keep it _secret_ , that had been not in the rules. And Iruka-sensei didn't… seem the sort to do things _illegally_. 

Ensui had a feel for people. 

(Shimura Danzou had always, always rubbed him just a hint wrong, and under the betrayal, under the fact that the man had had an Aburame drug him and pin him down - under all that, Shisui had felt a sharp thread of vindication, a burst of _I knew it_ right before Danzou had ripped out his eye with his own fingers.) 

Perhaps it was a geisha secret he wasn't quite qualified to learn yet. It had that feel to it - the way he'd known that there was just that tantalizing weight beyond jounin, even as he made chuunin. How you got chosen and picked and promoted to ANBU. Something _beyond_ the everyday, the stated rules of promotion. 

If he was here long enough, Ensui knew, he'd be able to plot a proper chart, mentally opening up a spread of data points the way that Iruka-sensei was slowly teaching him on paper, and plot the days and nights over the course of a year. 

He hasn't been here a year yet. He's been here only a handful of months, and he's pretty pleased he hadn't gone stir-crazy the way he had on some long-term missions, edgy and waiting. No, the learning of this pattern recognition had his mind bound up too much to fidget, to get _bored_ , and if nothing else of geisha training, he loved this _desperately_ , indulging his mind's need to _know_ and _understand_. 

And he had the ability to plot his own little mission, too. 

Find out what Iruka-sensei was hiding. 

There, nice, simple, intelligence all written out for him by _himself_ , data analysed and plotted neatly for justification and briefing. He knew the pitfalls and the gaps in his own data - not long enough, he didn't know Iruka-sensei _long_ enough, but it was enough for reconnaissance. 

Excellent. Good job. 

Happy Hunting. 

***

It only took a week, with Ensui completing Iruka-sensei's assignment of _report what Lord Junichi is probably hiding and what it has to do with the price of pork two towns over_ with barely any time to spare - 

(Iruka-sensei had started off easy, letting him come to his own conclusions in the beginning of his … stay here, but now he was giving him strict deadlines, and eventually, Ensui knew he was going to be starting writing his own intel-reports with minimal input from Iruka-sensei and kami-sama he was going to die, probably. But in a _good_ way.) 

\- And he was practicing his koto again and Iruka-sensei came - a quarter to midnight, Ensui noted - to tell him to go to bed.

"Of course, Iruka-sensei!" 

Listened for Iruka-sensei's amused snort, and turned out his own lights and went to 'bed'. 

Waiting for Iruka-sensei to move on… yes. 

Nothing against geisha, but they were _loud_ , not quite civilian loud, but nowhere near shinobi-quiet, and it was a comfort in some ways, to always be able to hear Iruka-sensei coming. Maybe over time, Ensui would be able to relax his senses. 

(Haha, no. it was never going to happen.) 

He had a dark yukata, but it wasn't necessary when Ensui could cloak himself in the soft shadows of a henge, curl his chakra down automatically even as he followed Iruka-sensei on shadow-quiet feet. When Iruka-sensei turned to the back yard, rather than the side or front entrance, Ensui had a split second of doubt, of _what if I had mistaken -_ but then the backyard turned out to have a very well concealed exit hidden in wisteria. 

Hah! 

Ensui allowed himself a brief triumphant grin, and followed Iruka-sensei easily, slipping through the tiny gate, and into the forest, along a tiny path that probably only Iruka-sensei and shinobi would notice. 

Iruka-sensei was dressed for movement, just in a yukata. It might almost be for sleep, except Iruka-sensei braided his hair for sleep, usually to the side, while he'd put his hair into some sort of top-knot, and fastened with hairpins. 

Incongruous. Must be meeting someone. 

Obviously. 

And then the trees parted into a clearing Ensui hadn't known was _there_ and then he froze in the shadows. 

Because in the clearing was the unmistakable silver of Hatake fucking Kakashi. 

Holy _fuck_ balls! 

*** 

Ensui kept his chakra coiled in tight as he watched them interact. Hatake "Eyestealer" Kakashi was taking every excuse to - position Iruka-sensei's hands on his fan, how to spread it, how to flick it. 

Easy enough to see what the point was - Ensui could kill a man with a normal fan made of bamboo - and from the heft of the fan in Iruka-sensei's hands, it was a metal tessen, and the sound it made whipping through the air was merely a confirmation. 

And when Hatake "Thief" Kakashi touched the pins in Iruka-sensei's hair, encouraging Iruka-sensei to draw them out, how to hold them, Ensui's suspicions were doubly-confirmed. 

Hatake "fucking Copy-nin" Kakashi had a reputation even before Shisui had entered ANBU - he was Konoha's genius shinobi, making chuunin at the frankly ridiculous age of 6, and had probably accomplished a list of missions as long as Shisui was tall by the time Shisui had made chuunin himself. He also, as jounin, had failed the two genin teams that Sandaime had given him with as extreme prejudice as he could, and woe betide any rookie in ANBU who was assigned to Kakashi to mentor. 

The man's teaching philosophy was "sink AND swim," with all that it implied. 

"Iruka-dono, try again." 

His voice being _gentle_ , his touch light, careful, was a _caress_. 

He was fucking _flirting_ with Iruka-sensei! 

*** 

"You shouldn't flirt with Hatake Kakashi," Ensui said in the morning during breakfast. 

Iruka-sensei stilled a moment. "Oh?" 

Ensui narrowed his eye at Iruka-sensei. "You can do better, Iruka-sensei." 

"How do you know about Kakashi-san?" Iruka-sensei said and he wasn't trying to deny it, which, _good_ , no need to patronise him by playing stupid. 

Iruka-sensei took a sip of tea, watching him with a raised eyebrow. 

"It's obvious right? I followed you last night." 

"You're not supposed to be stalking me to gather information," Iruka-sensei said, perfectly calmly. If Ensui hadn't spent _months_ here, he might have said that Iruka-sensei was unaffected by Ensui's declaration, but there was the slightest hint of him tilting his head, eyelashes lowered for a fraction of a second. 

If he were any less controlled he probably would have _blushed_. 

Hah. 

"I _observed_ you since I'd first arrived," Ensui informed him, "And you only ever come by to ensure I'm _asleep_ on certain nights a month - not every night. Pattern recognition, Iruka-sensei. And of all shinobi to have a secret assignation with, Sharingan no Kakashi is hardly a great choice." 

He managed to keep the tiny bitter bite out of his voice. 

"Very good," Iruka-sensei said, putting his tea down. 

"That had better not have been a test," Ensui said, eyebrows furrowing a little. 

"No, it wasn't. I suppose I would have told you eventually." Iruka-sensei shrugged, rolling his shoulders in his thin layers of silk. "Kakashi-san is training me - and other geisha in weaponry and self-defense." He cocked his head a little. "I assumed you had no need of such remedial training, and therefore thought it wouldn't be terribly relevant to your current training." 

Training. Hah! 

"He's flirting, badly," Ensui pointed out. "Honestly, sensei, you could do a _hell_ lot better." 

"Like whom?" Iruka-sensei said. "If you mean my clients, I would sincerely question your taste, Ensui-san." 

Ensui resisted the urge to stick his tongue out. "Anyone else! Anyone else but him!" 

Iruka-sensei snorted, very quietly. "I'm not going to choose you instead of him, Ensui-san," he said, dangerously-sweet and Ensui almost spat out his tea. 

"Argh! Not _me_! I didn't mean me!" 

Iruka-sensei's smile was just that side of evil. "I'm hurt, Ensui-san. I thought we had an understanding." 

Ensui tried his best not to scrunch up his face, and Iruka-sensei placidly went back to eating. 

"You're _evil._ " 

Iruka-sensei hummed. 

And he also, Ensui noticed, had not denied that Kakashi was flirting. 

Kami-sama, he wanted to let that thief _continue_! 

There must be some sort of way to sabotage it. 

*** 

Kakashi knew Tenzou tended to only allocate a day for training individual geisha; the man was ridiculously shy, and despite his straight face, he still got stunned by most of the geisha anyway. 

(That time they both went to the Capital and met _two_ of the Capital's Geisha in the same room, Kakashi thought Tenzou would almost faint. It had been _hilarious_ and sadly, Kakashi didn't have a camera.)

Weaponry on the other hand, Kakashi felt deserved some more personal attention and supervision. 

They weren't going to equip the geisha with actual kunai or anything of that sort, but quite a few of the geisha were starting to wear steel and bronze accessories, which would take an edge fairly well and made decent weapons. Unlike Tenzou, Kakashi was pretty damn good at turning whatever he had on hand into a killing instrument, so he was pretty intent on imparting the defensive qualities of _that_ to his charges. 

Plus if he spent longer here, he wouldn't have to spend so much time with the genin team that Sandaime had ruthlessly and callously assigned him. 

Uchiha Sasuke's flat dark gaze had never been anything but accusing even if he said _nothing_ beyond being prompted by Kakashi himself.

Of all shinobi … He was the only one with a sharingan who could train Sasuke, after what happened with Itachi. 

(Of all of them, his favourite was Sakura, even if he didn't know how to _help_ her, if only because she reminded him of Rin. Good, strong, uncomplicated Rin.) 

Couple that with the fact that the jinchuuriki stared out at him with Minato's eyes, Kakashi preferred having as many breaks from training Team 7 as much as possible. 

So he tended to spend a few days with each geisha when he could set the team to do their own training or - well even when they couldn't, but he could definitely get Gai to train them in his place. 

Because he didn't like being _predictable_ , he tried not to pick Iruka-dono as a first or last stop, working in a circular fashion, starting from the Capital of Fire Country to spiral towards Konoha. It took longer that way, but unlike a certain other jounin, Kakashi wasn't exactly taking other field missions having been saddled with a genin team. 

It meant that he was still around the next night; most of the day Iruka-dono was entertaining clients so he was camped out in the trees and enjoying _not_ having genin around. 

And at night - aaah. 

Iruka-dono was a pleasure to teach. For one, he didn't yell or screech and then accidentally stab himself or try to blow up half the environment. 

Volatile teenagers really hurt his ears. 

He sat up when he felt Iruka-dono approach, his calm chakra presence soothing cool on his senses, and - 

Wait. 

Someone else? 

Who -

 

Iruka-dono stepped into the clearing, and just two paces behind him was an unknown geisha, in a pale blue and silver yukata that could almost pass for a layer of one of the kimono. 

"Kakashi-san," Iruka-dono said, a little resigned. "Please let me introduce my …" 

"Maiko," the other geisha said, smiling at Kakashi, all teeth. "I'm Ensui. I'm just here to observe." 

*** 

Kakashi had never actually taught someone under such _intense_ scrutiny. The other geisha, if there were more than one at a time, would observe him, but their regard was softer. It never raked down his back and itched at the base of his skull like the heat of an inferno tickling at his hair. 

It certainly intensified whenever he reached to touch Iruka-dono's hand. 

After a moment, Iruka-dono huffed. "Ensui-kun," he said, stopping back from Kakashi. "Would you like to have a go instead?" 

Kakashi turned to look - Ensui was staring at Kakashi - any little more furrow to his half hidden brow, and Kakashi might consider it a _glare_. 

"Alright," Ensui said, straightened up. 

"You don't have to," Kakashi said, "Since you're maiko..." 

"Oh, Kakashi-san," Ensui said, and the lilt to his voice was sweetly mocking, "I'm _dying_ for anything you might be able to teach me."

*** 

Ensui was _very good_ at keeping Eyestealer Kakashi's attention on him, rather than Iruka-dono. 

Neither of them had to know how good he was with weapons - and hairpins and the tessen were unfamiliar anyway. 

He could definitely act clumsy enough, fumbling the hairpins that were unfamiliar to his hand - compared to say, a kunai - and not even trying very hard to adjust. 

Kakashi didn't even try to do more than perfunctory touches - his fingers flitting away as soon as he could get away, and Ensui smirked inwardly. 

"Show me again, Kakashi-san," Ensui said, tugging Kakashi closer by the sleeve. "This is _so_ difficult!" 

Kakashi exhaled, slowly, and did it again. 

Ensui could _see_ his frustration mount, and didn't smile. 

Half an hour later, though, Iruka-sensei was the one who called for a stop in the session. 

"It's very late, and Ensui-kun _should_ be up early tomorrow for his own assignment," Iruka-sensei said, just a little sharply. 

He knew exactly what Ensui was up to - and he _knew_ that Ensui couldn't possibly be that much of a fail with weaponry. 

Ensui gave him a bright grin. Mission accomplished anyway, because Hatake Fucking Thief Kakashi hadn't been able to really get to touch or hit on Iruka-sensei the whole time. 

"Will you stay the night, then, Kakashi-san?" 

Wait what. 

"Yeah, I'll be staying tomorrow - you don't have any clients in the morning?" 

"No, Kakashi-san, I'm free the entirety of tomorrow. I'll make up the futon for you." 

No - dammit _no_. 

*** 

"Are you feeling cold though, Iruka-dono?" Kakashi said as they walked back. "Do you want me to warm you up?" 

Ensui was very mollfied by Iruka-sensei smacking Kakashi sharply on the chin with his tessen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Uchiha have never forgotten about Obito's eye. And they most definitely do not forgive. 
> 
> Kakashi didn't recognise Ensui because the Magic of Make-up, and also ensui is very good at keeping his chakra coiled tight for this session.


	6. Slipping through my fingers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are so many important things a geisha needs to do. 
> 
> Like haircare. 
> 
> And make-up.

Iruka ground the heel of his hand against his forehead when the token got dropped off on his table again, right beside the little dog-rose twig that meant Tenzou, and the folded leaf-whistle that signified Kakashi. 

He glared at the carved frog token and wished he could just, pass it along to the next person and hide. 

He didn't _like_ when it was his turn on Jiraiya's rota - and fortunately he'd only seen him once since… 

Since Mizuki. 

Jiraiya had known, of course. How could he have not known? _Everyone_ knew; their business was intelligence and information, and it had raced up the geisha network like lightning, almost faster than the wings of their messenger birds, and while nothing had been mentioned to him in any of the letters he later received when he started working again, Iruka was not stupid. He could read the silence around him as well as if they'd shouted their sympathy, their rage, in the subtle shifts of how they _did_ things, in how so many chuunin were coldly frozen out of more than polite pleasantries. In how all of the geisha had all made space in their schedules for the training Satsuki-niisama had demanded from the Hokage, and yet none had complained about the time taken out of their own professional training and lives for this, silent, mutual support for Iruka.

It was comforting - that the geisha would close ranks around him, yet they never rubbed it in, never told him how it had been his fault for associating with the jinchuuriki or with Mizuki, when most geisha had generally kept shinobi at a polite arm's length. That it was Iruka's fault for letting Mizuki be and stay so familiar with him. 

(They didn't need to tell him that - because Iruka thought about it himself, blamed himself for it, for how he'd been so _stupid_ , that in hindsight there had been so many clues how unsafe Mizuki was, how _entitled_ to Iruka's presence and attention. That he couldn't have fought Mizuki off, and he had been too _weak_ to.) 

Jiraiya had been… had kept his leers to words and looks, the last time, and focused on the work that time. 

This time? 

Iruka took a deep breath. He could handle whatever Jiraiya did - Jiraiya _never_ went further than he'd done before, never retaliated for when any of the geisha reacted violently. In one way, it was good that Jiraiya stayed the same, a perverted constant in Iruka's life. The routine that had he'd been able to return to, with minimal changes, had been good in helping him deal. 

And now a year later, Iruka was as fine as he was probably going to be. 

No, his concern wasn't really for himself, as distasteful as Jiraiya was going to be. 

He had a responsibility now - a maiko to mentor and tutor, and in his own way, protect. 

He'd never seen Jiraiya interact with maiko - none of them had been maiko when they finally started their attachments in the various geisha houses and training in real intel-gathering after all. 

Would Jiraiya even know the difference? 

Iruka fingered his tessen for a moment, feeling the warm glow of safety that it represented - a weapon that was as hidden as his hairpins, something that would give him the precious seconds needed to get away if necessary. 

Well. 

He was ready in case anything happened, he knew, and he'd defend Ensui's virtue no matter what. 

*** 

"When you receive this," Iruka said, dropping the little frog token into Ensui's curious hands as he adjusted the fit of Ensui's collar, "it's a warning that any time within the next few days you're going to have a very specific and important visitor." 

"Who?" Ensui said, eying the little frog figurine. He let Iruka tip his head up, while Iruka eyed his make-up critically. 

Ensui had learned the makeup in the Hothouse of course, and he was very good at it now. But he had also asked for Iruka's advice on contouring. A way for him to disguise himself without henge, and a way to distance himself from his previous life. 

Iruka had watched plenty of soap operas to know that someone turning up with the Same Face in any plot was a sign of disaster for any hope of secrecy. Ensui was obviously in on the plan on leaving his past life behind, so was wanting to find ways to keep his profile low, and make-up without the use of henge was actually very good at changing the shape of one's face without alerting every shinobi nearby. 

Iruka reached for another brush to help smudge Ensui's make up a little more. There, his face took on a more pointed quality, more fox-like than previously, emphasizing his cheekbones more, a very interesting contrast to the loose waves tumbling over his back and shoulders. 

"Someone critical to our jobs," Iruka said, letting go of Ensui's chin, and sat back on his heels. "Unfortunately." 

Ensui pursed his lips, glancing at the mirror, though Iruka knew Ensui was watching him and his reaction through the corner of his eye. 

"Unfortunately?" 

"It's… I am warning you, because I think he would know of your presence anyway, no matter how hard you hide it, and the oneesama and oniisama would have informed him of your status. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he had been involved in your assignment here." 

Iruka reached out to brush the long bangs touching Ensui's chin, carefully. Ensui went very still, fingers twitching just the slightest. 

"Shall i do the other side as well?" Iruka asked, carefully, gently. 

Ensui exhaled slowly. "Sure, Iruka-sensei," he said but he nudged aside Iruka's hand to sweep his own bangs up and away - and. 

It wasn't scarred up as bad as Iruka thought it might be. Just the slight hollowed look of where the eye should be, the eyelid having a single thick scar along the sweep of it, but that was all. Shinobi-healing, Iruka knew. The damage had to have been interior, or precise, for all that there was just the single scar. 

"It's a little harder to do it right on this side," Ensui said after a few beats. 

"It's not so noticeable when you leave your bangs this way," Iruka agreed, and kept his touch light, especially around Ensui's eye. 

"So this guy," Ensui said as Iruka carefully added contour lines to his cheek, "he's here to check up on you, huh? Being a manager." 

"Pretty much," Iruka said. "He also delivers international intelligence from other countries - you know that the geisha network doesn't actually extend beyond Fire Country's borders." 

"Seems a bit of a limitation, then. Would have been so useful to have safehouses outside." Ensui's brow was only a little furrowed, and Iruka reached up to tap his finger against it, so Ensui smoothed out his expression so Iruka could continue with the make-up. 

"Perhaps, but then the supply runs would have been difficult, and really, what backup can we provide outside of Fire Country? In fact we'd probably require actual shinobi as our backup, in case someone figures out who we are actual agents for. And that's not worth the risk." Iruka touched Ensui's chin to study both sides of his face. "There. Can you see the changes? Do you need me to repeat it on myself?" 

Ensui studied the mirror for a moment, and then let his bangs hang back down over his face. "That's incredible, Iruka-sensei. I never - no one'd even suspect who I am." 

"The power of make-up," Iruka said drily. No one had even suspected he had a scar across his nose, thanks to some childhood accident he didn't even remember. He didn't mind it, but the scar itself was distinctive, and any one of his clients would expect a geisha like Iruka to hide it, so he did. 

Ensui started removing the make up to try it himself. "So when can we expect this exalted personage?" 

"He's coming in about a day or two," Iruka said. "Don't answer when he calls - he can open the wards, and I'd rather you not be alone with him." 

Ensui glanced at him, openly. "Alright, Iruka-sensei." 

But Iruka was already noting that Ensui seemed to be trying to guess who it might be. 

*** 

Iruka-sensei had said for him to stay in his own rooms, but look, Ensui was curious as hell. 

He also said that this boss-not-contact person was going to stay for two days minimum and there was really only so much koto practice Ensui could do before his fingers fell off, and Iruka-sensei was already harping on him to not keep practicing the koto right? 

Ensui just checked his make-up once more (just in case) and then carefully crept out towards the main room. 

It was currently warded to hell and back - which was impressive. High powered jounin, Ensui decided, because Iruka wasn't a seals expert, and half of these were … ANBU seals. Nice, Ensui thought. If nothing else, he really wanted to meet this dude. 

The room was dead silent - Ensui had spotted the sound-silencing seals around the weak spots of screen doors, and he carefully hovered his hand to the handle.

It wasn't like Iruka would allow lethal defenses inside the safe-house, right? At least, not around _himself_ , when Iruka-sensei couldn't actually get out of the way fast enough. 

Ensui hummed and activated his sharingan to try and trace the - ah-hah. Yes, a trap, alright, but an easy one to disable, just a little fiddly. 

He crouched down to start undoing it - and then the door slid open. 

"A little eavesdropping mouse, huh?" Toad Sage Sannin, Jiraiya, stared down at him and Ensui swallowed as he felt his eye widen. 

Oh. 

Kami-sama. 

"These are _your_ seals?" He blurted out, even as he blushed so hot that it was probably visible through his make-up. "Can you teach me them?!" 

*** 

Iruka-sensei was looking very irritated, but Ensui couldn't help it, quite happy to lean in close to Jiraiya to see the seals - hell, he was perfectly happy to lean into the touch, all but purring at the huge roil of chakra from the man's _aura_. 

If he kept his eyes on the chakra paper, he'd be able to keep the starry-eyed admiration away from Jiraiya's view. 

He couldn't _help_ but be impressed okay? 

It was the Toad Sage! Yondaime's sensei! One of the strongest shinobi in their life-time, and Ensui had heard _all_ about his battles and - 

It was with great difficulty that Ensui was not asking him to spar. Very great difficulty. 

HNG. 

***

Iruka sat down at his study and tried to think of what he could write to Satsuki-niisama. 

_Ensui actually seemed to like when Jiraiya hit on him_

No, that was wrong, it was putting the blame on Ensui and - and Iruka couldn't do that. 

_I am a terrible teacher, my maiko was flirting with Jiraiya!_

That was closer to the truth, wasn't it? 

Last night, Iruka had to basically pry them apart - for some reason Ensui was hanging breathlessly on every word Jiraiya had to say about seals and then he'd started prompting him about ninjutsu and Iruka would have left the room if he hadn't noticed Jiraiya's hands creeping closer to Ensui, and he'd had to intervene with a cast iron teapot and. 

And Ensui had _pouted_. 

Straight out pouted! 

_Ensui seems to get along with Jiraiya-sama,_ Iruka wrote down finally, carefully. 

It was early morning and hopefully Ensui was still asleep and not - Iruka shuddered - _flirting_ with Jiraiya. 

He hadn't had an opinion on Ensui's taste before, but now he was very concerned about Ensui's state of mind. 

On one hand, Ensui actively flirting back with Jiraiya took the man's attention off Iruka entirely, which Iruka should be grateful for but on the other hand… 

Ensui had also been trying to get in the way of Kakashi and Iruka's interactions, and Iruka knew perfectly well that Kakashi was trying his best to court him, and he was not discouraging him - just like he was not discouraging Tenzou either, though if neither of them were going to be forthright about it, Iruka was not going to be more than merely receptive. 

It'd be perfectly justified (and serve Ensui right) if Iruka went and got between him and his bad-taste. 

*** 

Ensui was sulking and he knew it. 

It was childish, and he should have outgrown it a long time ago, but he was sulking _anyway_. 

Iruka-sensei had somehow woken up earlier than Ensui had - or maybe he'd not even gone to sleep all night - and had extracted all the intel from Jiraiya and kicked him out of the safehouse before Ensui could get breakfast and a fascinating talk about seals. 

"I'm not sorry," Iruka told him and Ensui glared at him. It was a little hard to pout AND glare at the same time, and Iruka's crooked half-smile told him he didn't succeed in any way. 

"He's an expert on _seals_!" Ensui complained. "He doesn't come to Konoha at _all_ , do you know what I would have done to get my hands on that tasty knowledge?" 

Iruka-sensei looked a little taken aback. "... um?" 

"I would _blow_ the man to have him teach me one, just ONE of those seals!" 

Iruka-sensei looked green. "I get the picture. You like seals?" 

"And ninjutsu! He's the toad sage sannin! One of the greatest shinobi of our generation! I would have jumped into his LAP if he'd agree to a SPAR!" 

"Natsumi-san knows seals," Iruka said, still looking green around the edges, "if you want to learn about them, I'm sure I can ask her for-" 

"It's not just seals! It's ninjutsu and - and everything!" Ensui flailed his hands a little. "He's one of the strongest shinobi-" 

"Kakashi-san is pretty strong," Iruka-sensei said, voice thoughtful. 

"Kakashi is _meh_ ," Ensui said. Strong - hah! There were stronger - himself, for one. 

(except maybe he wasn't, anymore. Not after Danzo…. But then he was never going to admit it.) 

"And you have bad taste," Ensui added. 

Iruka-sensei closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Yes but your taste is terrible." 

"It's _Jiraiya_." 

"Exactly." 

Ensui flapped a hand at him. "Any shinobi would let him fuck them into the table for a chance to _spar_ ," he said, and Iruka-sensei _twitched_.

He gave a triumphant smile but Iruka-sensei frowned. "There's someone at the front door. And it's not one of our shinobi either. Go to the back, Ensui." 

Which was when Ensui could feel the chakra - cold and watery, almost overwhelming and - 

Not Konoha. 

"I'll be just, around -" Ensui said. 

"I'll handle it," Iruka-sensei said calmly. "Geisha don't just entertain civilian clients, Ensui. Maiko, on the other hand, do not entertain. At All. So please,go to the back." 

Ensui twitched, but with Iruka-sensei's firm tone, he nodded, and headed back to his room. 

Didn't mean he'd _stay_ though. That cold huge amount of chakra told him - Kiri, and someone with that amount of chakra? 

One of Kiri's Swords. And what was one of them doing in Fire Country, so close to Konoha? Kiri and Konoha did _not_ have a great relationship at the moment. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't great, and having a kiri-nin so close to Konoha was odd. 

Which pointed to missing-nin and that meant Iruka-sensei was in danger. 

Ensui didn't want to particularly reveal himself but. If he had to… he should be in the same room as Iruka-sensei no matter what. 

He checked his make-up - it looked decent, he didn't have time to fuck with the contouring, but it was enough to pass for Maiko - and then he was heading back out to the room with the chakra. 

"- We don't normally get many shinobi guests at this time of the day," Iruka-sensei was saying. "But please, make yourselves comfortable, I will get refreshments -" 

"I could play something," Ensui said, stepping into the room, and Iruka-sensei twisted around to glare at him - 

Ensui gave him a challenging look, before turning to look at the guests and - 

Uchiha Itachi was staring at him, eyes wide and horrified. 

_"Shisui?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you guys in a few days! 
> 
> *cackles*


	7. If this is to end in fire, then we should all burn together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Itachi just wanted to have an actual bath, okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short one because LOL CLIFFHANGER

"You want what," Kisame said. 

His partner's jaw was set in a stubborn line, even if the rest of his expression was more or less bland. "I refuse to sleep on the floor anymore," Itachi said. In anyone else, that tone might be flat, but it was rare for Itachi to express any sort of want, like this, that Kisame was feeling a little - knocked off course. 

"I know _that_ and there's a village just a three hours behind," Kisame pointed out. 

"The geisha house is only an hour ahead," Itachi said. 

Of all times for Itachi, apparently asexual, aromantic, a- _everything_ , to develop some sort of sex drive, Kisame thought, this was… 

Well he supposed it wasn't the _worst_ timings. They were in-between missions, still somewhat flush with money. Location though… It was a little too close to Konoha for his liking and he'd have liked to head on further, and put on more distance between them and the Village. 

He would have thought that Itachi would have wanted that too - it was _his_ ex-Village after all. 

Still, Itachi was what, was he even seventeen? And now he suddenly wanted to go visit a _geisha_? 

Itachi just kept walking on. 

"How do you even know that there's one _here_?" 

That and Fire Geisha were _expensive_. There weren't that many Water Geisha, and most of them hated the look of shinobi; Kisame could tell. 

(Well, most of any civilian hated the look of Kiri-nin, it was inevitable.) 

Wandering around the Elemental Countries as missing-nin before he'd joined the Akatsuki had meant he HAD had time to make a sampling of the various Geisha - and even before then, he'd also heard the shinobi and other civilians talk. 

Fire Geisha earned their prices with skill, and unlike Wind Geisha, were perfectly behaved to all clients, no matter their origins. You wanted the most recent music, or the latest poetry? You got a Fire Geisha. Whatever the issues amongst the shinobi Villages, the Fire Daimyo's court was the forefront of fashion and culture, and the Fire Geisha led them. 

Even a geisha out here in a mid-sized town would probably command twice the price of that of a Water Geisha, and that was even assuming that they would take clients. 

Well. 

Itachi seemed intent, and he was walking along unerringly like he had every knowledge of where he was heading. 

"Oy, Itachi." 

"I was here once," Itachi replied flatly. "Before I left." 

Okay. 

That was a little gross. The kid was about, what, seventeen _now_? He'd left two years ago. How _young_ had it been when his - who was it, a team leader or his creepy father? Had dragged him to a goddamn Geisha house? 

Fire Geisha were very, _very_ clear on their roles as entertainers, and sex was not for sale, but there were quite a few shinobi who thought that the geisha were sex workers anyway, and in some places, sex workers did muddy the waters a little by claiming they were geisha - though if you'd visited one before you'd know the difference. 

Geisha houses still weren't meant for people who hadn't even hit _puberty_ yet, and aaaargh. 

Kisame had to stride faster to keep up with Itachi. 

"Are you just that intent on having an actual bath?" Kisame said exasperated. 

"Yes," Itachi said. 

And that was when Kisame could feel the - seals. Close, wards. He glanced at Itachi. 

"Those are normal. All the Geisha Houses have them." 

Which meant that Fire Geisha really did entertain shinobi too. These didn't seem to be high level protections; probably the geisha had paid for them. Alerts and wards and mid-level barriers. Not bad, he supposed. 

"Then we knock," Kisame said with a sigh, wondering how much he was going to be paying for this visit. 

He hoped Itachi wasn't going to insist that they go to geisha instead of staying at normal fucking inns. 

*** 

Ensui was frozen - he could _feel_ everything go slow, his own heart beat thunderously thick and _slow_ in his head, the throb in his eye almost pounding and. 

Itachi. 

His younger cousin was here, staring at him, his straw hat in his hands as if he'd just started taking them off and he should be concerned about the other shinobi whose cool huge amount of chakra should be concerning and worrying but. 

His gaze flicked up and Itachi's hitai-ate was scored through. 

Missing-nin, and proud of it, too. 

"Shit," the other shinobi said, but Ensui wasn't listening. 

Itachi inhaled - almost a movement, and Ensui _moved_ , fast despite the kimono and then he was _there_ , fingers on the score of across the sign of Konohagakure, the heat of his thumb fogging the hitai-ate that said _missing nin from Konoha_ and. 

And. 

"What _happened_?" 

What could have happened to send Itachi out from the village? To have him turn from the Village? 

He was the most loyal, just like himself, and he couldn't - 

Fingers on Ensui's cheek, under his bangs and. 

"Shisui," Itachi breathed. "He _sold_ you?" 

There were two beats of silence. 

"We most definitely are not _sold_ ," Iruka-sensei said, indignantly. 

And then Itachi was grabbing Ensui's wrists and Ensui reacted - because missing-nin, another shinobi - 

And Iruka-sensei was essentially a civilian and Ensui was going to protect even if it was his own _cousin_ \- 

Itachi might have been fast, good at ninjutsu, but Ensui had always been _faster_ , and he had the advantage of height and weight and while he was wearing a kimono, the body didn't forget how to compensate for restrictions and then it was a flurry of motions and Itachi was pinned down and Ensui's hairpins were embedded close to the other shinobi's _face_. 

"What are you doing here?" He growled. "Missing-nin -" 

Kisame. Hoshigaki _Kisame_! 

"Is that a common reaction to a family reunion?" Kisame said after a moment. 

"Shisui," Itachi said, and Ensui glanced back and Itachi's gaze was wide and almost - wet. "We can take you away from this. You don't have to… _whore_ for him-" 

That, that was devastation in Itachi's voice and he wasn't even _fighting_ Ensui's hands on his throat and. 

"I'm not a whore," Ensui said, and let go of Itachi, trying to pull back but Itachi was clutching at his wrist. 

"He promised that you were safe, and then - I- You're the only one _left_ ," Itachi said. 

"Huh," Kisame said. "Here I thought your entire clan was dead, Itachi." 

"What," Ensui said. 

** 

That Ensui was actually Uchiha wasn't as big a surprise as Iruka would have thought. 

He'd not been particularly pleased at having _two_ missing-nin show up, but he'd been extremely polite, especially since one of them was missing-nin from Konoha, who could _so_ easily have given away what the geisha houses were really used for in Fire Country, but the young nin had said nothing, looking far more intent on just locating a cushion, and if Iruka was going to survive this, he was going to kick himself for booting out Jiraiya so early because that was a situation of _exceptional_ shit timing. 

He'd recognised Itachi of course. Uchiha Itachi, the Uchiha Clan murderer. But Itachi had barely given him a glance before brushing past - the other one was who had been more focused on Iruka. 

And now Ensui - was an Uchiha and - the timing, the missing eye, the fact that the Hokage wanted him out of the village? 

It was obvious in retrospect. 

And what was equally obvious was that Ensui didn't know about the Uchiha Massacre, even though that news had lit up the network, when news of happened in Konoha itself rarely reached the geisha except months later.

But for him to have been - laid up, recovering from the injury to his eye, and becoming a maiko - Ensui had missed the news and he was. 

Staring in horror at Itachi and Iruka didn't know if he could...

Fix anything - get Ensui out, get - 

"Kami-sama," Ensui breathed, and then he was pushing in and kissing Itachi. 

"Talk about family reunions," Kisame said, thoughtfully. "I see that there's a very pretty garden out there, Geisha-san. Would you like taking a walk out there with me?" 

*** 

"Shisui-" Itachi managed, eyes wide and panting and Ensui could _feel_ him, on his breath on his lips, and he - 

"How. Am I the only one left?" 

Had Itachi not managed to prevent the coup in time? Had he been - 

He'd been too slow. He had tried to warn Itachi and give him his eye and Itachi had instead… the last words he'd remembered from Itachi was that he'd fix it. 

And Ensui had woken up with the Hokage and a tall elegant stranger at his bedside. Which meant that Itachi had taken him to the Hokage, and it had been _too late_ for Itachi to - to prevent the coup, wasn't it? 

And if they had tried to stage the coup, they had gotten _slaughtered_. And Itachi had - what had he done to be declared missing nin? 

"I tried," Itachi said, voice shaking, raw. "I tried to save them, but - Danzo said, I had to. To save Sasuke, I had to, I had to kill-" 

Itachi was blinking under him, wetness over-welling from his eyes and Ensui leaned in and kissed him, cupping his face, precious and - 

Danzo had forced his cousin to - prevent the coup on his own? 

"I told you to stay away from Danzo, he was dangerous - " 

"He would have killed _everyone_ including Sasuke." 

And that was the way to save - 

Out of all of them, Itachi had always loved his little brother the _best_ and 

Ensui pressed his hands to Itachi's cheeks and swallowed his words, holding him as his cousin _shook_. 

*** 

It was just that touch awkward out in the garden. 

"He's maiko," Iruka said after a moment. "He's not supposed to be _entertaining_." 

Kisame made a little sound that might be amusement. "I think that kind of doesn't count as entertaining. More a… family reunion?" 

iruka exhaled. "I didn't know he was - Uchiha," he admitted, casting Kisame a slight glance through his eyelashes. It wasn't too bad, Iruka could still salvage this … sort of security breach, and Kisame didn't seem to suspect anything other than the more… emotional outburst from Uchiha Itachi. And Ensui was always a little dramatic. It might be a clan thing, right? "And we most definitely did not buy him nor sell him for sex slavery." 

"Yeah, I know," Kisame said, "I'll …. Explain it later. Hell of a time for his hormones to hit though." 

Iruka hummed. 

"So, I suppose while we wait as they get reacquainted," Kisame said, brightly, "Do you wanna see my sword?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is the point where I realised - I have to resolve the Danzo issue. Again. How many times do I have to resolve Danzo? 
> 
> Fuck. my. Life. 
> 
> I almost named this chapter KISSES OF FIRE by ABBA. Because why not. 
> 
> OOC because I couldn't take it anymore, I was crying on the floor at this point.


	8. Hollowing Souls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So _that_ happened. Good job Ensui. 
> 
> Pretty sure Itachi never got his bath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently there is some concern that I should have tagged this as incest. Well first of all I had already tagged the pairing, so it's not untagged, and second? I'm Asian. We don't see 'same surname" and assume 'incest", we're far more likely to go "oh hey same village/area of the home country!!!" Just like I doubt you see John Smith and Jane Smith and think "they must be cousins!" A Clan of the Uchiha size isn't just a Clan Head and all his direct descendents - it's a main family and many branch families - who would they have married, if they intended to keep their bloodline within the Clan? They are probably more closely related to each other than any two random people, but that doesn't signify anything just because they can probably plot it on a large enough sheet of paper (or a wall). 
> 
> I am not going to tag this incest because there is no feelings of taboo between Shisui/Ensui and Itachi, because while they are cousins, Kishimoto had not specified how close a cousin they were - for all the two of them are concerned, they were from the same Clan and that's it.

"I'm not," Ensui said, tracing the underside of Itachi's eye, an hour later. 

Itachi's eyes were red, the tomoe in his eyes spinning slowly, watching him, like he was trying to imprint Ensui on his memory, Itachi's fingers tangled in Ensui's hair. 

It was going to be a pain to brush through it again, but Ensui couldn't regret it. Not with the way Itachi had clung to him, had muffled his cries - half sobs, half pleasure - against Ensui's shoulder. 

Iruka-sensei is going to be _so_ mad later, but no one could fault Ensui could they? As much as his previous life was more or less gone, he was _still_ Uchiha, and Clan and _family_ was… something he couldn't ignore. 

(Family, then Clan, then Village. He'd seen the same ties of loyalty in Iruka-sensei, for the geisha were his family weren't they, from the way he spoke about each one like a sibling, the way he'd let Ensui see something of him that he was pretty sure Iruka-sensei didn't let anyone from Konoha see.) 

"I'm not being sold into sex slavery," he told Itachi. "Geisha don't do sex." 

Itachi's eyes narrowed skeptically at him. 

"I'm a maiko," Ensui said, letting himself smile crookedly, teasing. "So I don't count." 

Itachi huffed a little, against his chest. 

"Seriously," Ensui said, "Geisha train for - other things. Music. Entertainment." 

"Entertainment," Itachi said a little flatly, and Ensui sighed. What had Danzo _done_ to his cousin, that after all this, Itachi's tone was still so flat, so … 

Blank. Emotionless. 

He didn't use to be like this. 

Ensui shifted to sit up, pulling Itachi with him. "Entertainment like singing, composing poetry on the fly, that sort of thing, you little pervert." 

He was still touching Itachi's cheekbone, frowning a little at the way it was dark, under Itachi's eyes. Maybe he just wasn't getting enough sleep but there was a tiny bit of bloodshot red around his sclera and… 

Ensui had a bad feeling. 

"Music and _singing_ ," Itachi said, still flat, disbelieving." 

"Maiko's not supposed to be entertaining at all, so you're getting a freebie," Ensui said, and let go of Itachi, feeling Itachi's fingers slip from his hair as he got up, to go to his shelves. It would have been _rude_ to… ah, have their family reunion in one of the more public entertaining rooms, and he'd brought Itachi to his own room instead, dragged him there via shunshin because. 

Because. 

Itachi had had let him. 

Ensui casually put away the papers he'd been working on, his own field notes that he'd made in his own code, and then pulled out his flute. 

"Iruka-sensei is teaching me flute, though I'm better at the koto right now," Ensui said, as Itachi stared in real disbelief at the instrument. 

"You meant _actual_ music?" 

"Hey, you showed up here, what did you think Geisha _did_ , baby cousin?" Ensui said, sitting down playfully at Itachi's feet, while his cousin stared down at him. 

If he didn't fix up his layers of clothing and basically still give his cousin a really _good_ view, well. They were in private and Ensui was a maiko, he could do what he wanted. 

(For now) 

"I thought," Itachi's voice trailed off, and Ensui huffed a laugh. 

"Typical shinobi," he teased, set the flute to his lips. 

From here, he could still look up through his eyelashes, and see - 

The red glow of Itachi's sharingans, the serious wide-eyed way he was watching him and. 

The wet shimmer in his eyes wasn't just water. 

It was faintly red. 

If Shisui's showing up all bloody and missing an eye hadn't awakened Itachi's mangekyo, then it was just as likely having had to - enact the Uchiha Massacre for Danzo that probably did it. 

And Itachi was missing-nin; the red and black cloak he had left in a crumpled heap in the corner of his room when he'd gotten Itachi to his bed was far too stark and visible _not_ to be a uniform of some sort. 

Some of the work he'd known Iruka-sensei had been working on intersected with _something_ international, insidious. Something _big_ and worrying and of course Itachi would be tied up in it - because he was his baby prodigy _cousin_. And because the way his skin was thin, almost translucent under his eyes, his wrists thin in the way he got only after long missions? 

Itachi was driving himself to the ground, and… 

Doing his part for the Village had only cost Ensui an eye. 

Now he knew more, he _understood_ more and could still work for the Village the way he never could before. 

But Itachi was family. 

*** 

"Ensui," Iruka said, his eyebrows pinched, while Ensui braided his hair up properly. 

"Saa, Sensei," Ensui said, "I know, I know I jumped the gun, I shouldn't have, since I'm maiko and all." 

He had looked Iruka over, when he'd finally let Itachi out - and his cousin had collected Kisame and _left_ , despite the way Kisame had made very mild polite protests. Iruka-sensei had seemed untouched, barely troubled, even serene, until the wards were back up and their 'guests' were gone. 

"That's not the point," Iruka-sensei said. "I just - that was _dangerous_. The Hokage had tasked us to keep you - " 

"Safe?" Ensui snorted. "Secret? Iruka-sensei, he's my _family_. And now he's the only one left. Other than Sasuke." 

Iruka-sensei winced. "I'm sorry I didn't… tell you. I would have, if I'd known." 

If he had known who Ensui was. 

Ensui flicked a hand at him. "I like what I'm doing. I understood the need for secrecy - as far as - everyone else is concerned, Uchiha Shisui is dead. And it's not like Itachi is going to tell Danzo now." 

"Still," Iruka-sensei said, jaw firming a little. "He's missing-nin, he might want to finish the job -" 

"Itachi? No, he won't," Ensui said, shaking his head. "He's up to something, I know him." 

Maybe undercover. 

He hadn't told his partner or friend or whatever about the intelligence role that geisha served, and as casually as Ensui had packed his papers away, Itachi must have caught a glimpse of them. 

It had been coded in his own code, of course, but Itachi had known _of_ Shisui's code and known Shisui didn't just put any old thing into code. 

(Maybe he had wanted to let Itachi know, let him be reassured that he wasn't just a whore, though, weren't they all whores for Konoha, really? At least geisha got to know and see a bigger picture than the shinobi did, and Ensui was _grateful_ for it)

"What do you want us to do?" Iruka-sensei said, after a moment. 

Ensui exhaled, and tied off his braid, stared at the table top for a moment. Then looked up at Iruka-sensei. 

"How good are you at transplanting eyes, Iruka-sensei?" 

***

Despite Ensui's rather horrible question, it turned out that he hadn't actually wanted Iruka to attempt eye-surgery. 

Ensui had a _terrible_ sense of humour. 

Instead Iruka was asking the others whether they knew of a medic who could successfully deal with transplantation of a doujutsu. 

It would have been preferable to keep this all in-house, as it were, but alas, geisha all to a one, did not deal with injuries that required such specialized care - even the most talented of their numbers with medical jutsu couldn't perform the same sort of miracles that medic-nin in the village could do. 

"You already know one who can get you such a medic, Iruka-sensei," Ensui said from his doorway. 

"I don't understand," Iruka said. 

Ensui huffed. "Sharingan no Kakashi," Ensui said, darkly. "Eye-thief. _Someone_ has to help him maintain that stolen sharingan." 

"Is that - that's _Kakashi?_ That's why you disliked him so much?" 

"Well at least he's not a _flagrant_ braggart about it," Ensui said. "But yes, him. Ask him for the name of a medic. I can't…" Ensui touched his cheek, briefly, and then pushed off from the doorway and disappeared back to his room. 

Iruka only knew vaguely that the sharingan were specific to the Uchiha - he knew _of_ someone called Sharingan no Kakashi, but it hadn't seemed to be the Kakashi he _knew_. 

He should have guessed. 

He looked back at his desk, and a pigeon hopped in, cooed at him, and dropped a folded leaf on his table surface. 

Well. 

At least he won't have to write the man a _letter_ he decided.

*** 

"You seem to be coping well, with the team," Tenzou said, slipping in through Kakashi's window, but staying on the sill. 

Kakashi didn't make a face, but only because Tenzou had been his colleague in ANBU long enough to read it on the line of his back anyway. 

Not that it mattered - he was covered in ridiculous amounts of mud thanks to the enthusiasm of his team. 

Whose great idea was it that he take on a genin team? 

Just because he was the only sharingan wielder left in the Village, apparently, and … 

Sandaime knew he wasn't going to mistreat the jinchuuriki because he was _Minato-sensei's_ son. 

To be honest? It was a bit of a pity that it turned out that his elemental affiliation was far more aligned to Sasuke's than to Sakura - of all of them, Sakura was his favourite. She had the bad taste to be crushing on Sasuke, but he was sure she'd outgrow it - at least she'd try to do the missions without fighting about it, and when she wasn't screaming at the other two, she was studious and steady (more or less). 

Her chakra control was _impressive_. Pity then, he didn't know how to help her over much - other than to poke around for books. 

"Saa," Kakashi said, and peeled off his hitai-ate. It bit at his hair - mud had caked on and dried. 

Tenzou made a soft sound that was almost a laugh. 

"How's _your_ training with - ah, the geisha then?" Kakashi said because Tenzou was probably smug as fuck about not having to deal with genin teams. 

(He'd offload them onto Tenzou if he could. There had to be a way to do it, right? Missions made so much more _sense_ than this.) 

Tenzou exhaled. "Not so bad, they're all very dedicated, since they understand the need for physical training, especially Iru-" 

He cut himself off, and Kakashi let himself smirk, because Tenzou's chakra fluctuated just a little, in embarrassment. 

"And how is your relationship progressing with Iruka-dono?" he asked, innocently. 

Tenzou groaned and dropped his head against the side of the window. "I don't _know_ how to talk to him about it," He said. "It was - so much easier when it was _you_." 

Kakashi barked a laugh. 

Of course it had been easier. They were both ANBU - and the sex component had been the easiest of it all. But even beyond that, they had run more than two years worth of missions with Tenzou as his subordinate - they'd lived in each other's pockets for so long, it had been easy to fall into an understanding that didn't even need the word of _boyfriend_ , just like how Genma and Raidou had eventually given up the pretense of being "Just Colleagues", and moved in together. 

But Iruka-dono was different. Iruka-dono was a _Geisha_ , that nebulous role between civilian and Konoha agent, one of them but apart. 

The only hint that Kakashi knew, to be fair, was from Gai - who had said that he had courted his girlfriend because geisha needed to be _wooed_ , not just hauled into bed. 

His own… ah, approach hadn't gone very well, and Tenzou had laughed at him later. 

"I don't even have the words," Tenzou said woefully. 

"You watch those TV-dramas," Kakashi said, and yanked his shirt off. Gross, so much mud. "There must be something _useful_ in them." 

"Just like there was something useful in those Icha Icha books?" Tenzou said, half snide and Kakashi threw his shirt at Tenzou. 

"I'll have you know," Kakashi said with great dignity, "They were written by _Jiraiya-sama_ , who has a _lot_ of experience with geisha." 

"And Iruka-dono's reaction was what, again?" 

"I just used the wrong line is all," Kakashi said. "I managed to snag you didn't I?" 

"It wasn't because of the cheesy pick-up line, I assure you," Tenzou said, and threw Kakashi's shirt towards his hamper. It missed, but Tenzou didn't bother picking it up because he was the _worst_. 

(It'd been a LONG time before Tenzou had learned to be human enough to be a brat, and it was something worth encouraging.) 

"Brat," Kakashi said. "There's that - don't you remember, in that weird drama about civilian schools. Autumn something." 

" _Autumn Leaves Fall_ ," Tenzou said. "Which scene are you talking about?" 

"The one with that tall guy and the girl and the books, and the wall." 

"Oh! Kabedon," Tenzou said, perking right up. "You think that would work -" 

He suddenly broke off, going still. 

Kakashi went on alert too, pointer-still. "What is it?" 

"The bamboo in Iruka-dono's garden," Tenzou said, and when Kakashi turned to him, he could see that Tenzou's eyes had gone distant and darker than usual. "Someone - chakra. Mist-" 

"Dangerous?" 

It was hours away, even if they were to push themselves. If an attack happened, in Iruka-dono's _garden_ , their leaving now would only have them arriving to cremate the body. 

"No killing intent," Tenzou said. "But the words - he . he said he wanted to- show him a _sword_?" 

Both of them considered the implications, and Kakashi _winced_. 

"What's the… no destructive intent?" 

Tenzou shook his head. He'd told Kakashi before - words were always a little garbled; it was why Tenzou couldn't exactly be a one-man intelligence team even outside of Konoha; most plants were very attuned to killing and destructive intent, but cacti, for example, were really always bitching about water. 

Geisha didn't _sell_ sex as a matter of course, Kakashi knew, but it didn't mean that they didn't _have_ it with their clients if the negotiations were appropriate. Fire Geisha didn't have sex all the time but… 

They could be persuaded, and if the chakra was strong enough for Tenzou to notice via the bamboo shoot he'd secretly left there, Iruka-dono would be foolish to turn down such a strong client. He was, after all, nothing if not a survivor. 

If Tenzou had planted say, an orange, Tenzou would be able to tell better whether there had been _sexual_ intent too - Tenzou had once bitched while they were wading through a rice paddy field about the slutty nature of rice, only rivaled by all citruses. 

Sadly, it wasn't like citrus would be unnoticeable in Iruka-dono's garden. 

"I should - _we_ should be there to protect Iruka-dono," Tenzou said. 

"If he wants to accept it," Kakashi said. "That kabedon, isn't it a declaration of protection?"

Tenzou blinked, refocusing on the now and present. "Yes?" 

"Then we try that. Keep me informed on whether that mist-nin is still there tomorrow." 

"Why?" 

"Tomorrow I have my genin team on a retrieval mission that passes through - you should come along," he decided. "Maybe it's time for co-training."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay yes i know that it's PROBABLY far more likely he cries blood only during the use of the mangekyo, but the goddamn fic just had feels where it shouldn't have, it's chapter 7 of Part two of an extremely long burn when the main OT3 hasn't even gotten into the same ROOM TOGETHER for 10k words so forgive me if I'm going to speed shit up a little. 
> 
> The worst part, yes, is that this was supposed to be lighthearted and now Itachi and Shisui have FEELS and I had to figure out how to resolve Danzo. 
> 
> FML. 
> 
> And then I had to get the whole damn threesome into the same space at SOME POINT or else this will require a Part 3 and then I'll just punt this whole fic out the window. At this point it's already approaching Novella Status wtf.


	9. Some Kind We Never Forgive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I call this... 
> 
> THE SWORD CHAPTER
> 
> In which: Tenzou and Kakashi are finally in the same room. Team 7 Make Guest Appearances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay for timeline... 
> 
> 1\. The Uchiha Massacre Takes place around t he time when Naruto/Sasuke were ~10 years old. So technically it took place just before the start of _Prepare As We Will_.   
> 2\. Shisui/Ensui spent a good portion stoned out of his mind post-recovery because getting an eye ripped out is traumatic as fuck and I like him being unconscious. By the time he started training as a Geisha, that was 1.5 years before the start of _I see fire_.   
> 3\. Iruka spent a couple of months (maybe 3 or less) between the end of _Prepare As We Will_ and the beginning of _I See Fire_. Ensui spends a few more months with Iruka. So by the time he hears about the Massacre, it's been just about over 2 years.   
> 4\. Then Team 7 Shows up In This Chapter. 
> 
> re: Canon events: 
> 
> \- fuck the bridge event   
> \- fuck Itachi showing up to mentally torture Kakashi   
> \- the chuunin exams will take place in the nebulous future, and most definitely Team 7 is not participating in this round. Will Orochimaru show up? God knows, but that is Beyond The Scope of this Fic.   
> \- This is Crack. Taken semi-seriously, but Crack. Please don't make me cry over the timeline, I was already crying.

It was the first time an entire actual genin-team with their jounin-sensei actually showed up at the safehouse. And Iruka-sensei wasn't there. 

Granted he was down at the market while Ensui wrestled with his latest assignment - they both were very definitely _not_ talking about Itachi, and honestly what could they really talk about? The Geisha network apparently didn't really know much about the inner workings of Konoha; as far as the geisha knew, they worked their analyses on information gathered _outside_ Konoha, and fed them back to the Village. Information flow was generally a one-way street, other than occasionally getting orders from the Hokage. 

It was still a far sight more information that Ensui was used to getting on his assignments as a shinobi - he got to see the information first-hand after all, and Iruka-sensei had shown him an example of the kind of intel he would get from Jiraiya when he visited. 

(It had been amazing to realise that Jiraiya wasn't _just_ one of the power-houses of Konoha, a living Legend, but that he also was essentially Konoha's Spymaster, and the kind of intelligence analysis he passed to Iruka had been like _liquid_ gold. He _wished_ he'd gotten hold of that kind of intel back when he was a shinobi. ) 

(But he knew why it wasn't - all that extraneous detail wasn't necessary for a weapon to know, was it?) 

Iruka had warned him to _not_ let in any other - unauthorized clients - sure if there were other non-Konoha affiliated shinobi who turned up, they might be able to barge in anyway, but geisha weren't required to entertain them - and if they were Konoha chuunin teams, Ensui was to allow them in but not to interact with them. 

He hadn't, left any instructions regarding genin-teams though, probably because they came by so _rarely_ , judging from the wide-eyed look the three kids gave the entire place. 

"Here you can wash up," Ensui offered; they all looked like they were covered in mud, much further afield from Konoha than usual, and Ensui was _not_ giving Hatake Fucking Kakashi more than a flicker of attention. "I'll just start the water heating -" he was just leaving the room after showing them into one of the easier to clean rooms. 

"Ne, do you want to take the first one, Sasuke-kun," the girl said, and Ensui went very still. 

Sasuke? 

"Teme, you should be letting Sakura go first!" the blond kid said and if Ensui wasn't sure that wasn't the _Yondaime's_ son, he'd eat his hairpins. 

"Hn." 

Sasuke wasn't a common name, not in Konoha, not in Uchiha. 

He uncoiled his chakra, a little, ignoring the white careless blaze of the Copy-nin's chakra, to - 

The dark-roiling flame threading through lightning… still young, still _familiar_. 

Sasuke. His baby cousin _Sasuke_. 

While it had been _alright_ to let Itachi know he was alive (not that he'd had a choice, Itachi had recognised him instantly) Sasuke had not, because Ensui had been careful with his make-up this time. 

Hell, Hatake Kakashi hadn't even recognised him, before, and he still only knew Ensui as Iruka-sensei's maiko. 

(The powers of make-up, hah) 

The Hokage would, he was guessing, want Ensui to keep his identity secret. 

Iruka-sensei had seemed momentarily surprised at knowing his identity, but had said nothing further about it - and still called him Ensui not Shisui, which Ensui was… well he was kind of grateful about, because as far as the whole Village knew, now, he was dead too. 

(There was just Itachi and Sasuke left of the Uchiha. Ensui could be a trump-card if he could be. Had to be. Just whose, he wondered?) 

He couldn't leave his baby cousin in the dark though. After the massacre, with Itachi as the _killer_ of all of their family (And from what Iruka-sensei had seemed to think, everyone thought he had been a murderer for _real_.) 

Keeping Sasuke in the dark must have been the way itachi had to keep Sasuke safe from Danzo, but … 

Ensui didn't believe in that. _Shisui_ might have agreed before. But Ensui did not. 

Information was power, after all, and ignorance cost Shisui his eye and life. Ensui was not going to let that happen to his baby cousin. 

*** 

The maiko Ensui still disliked him, Kakashi knew, but apparently the presence of his genin team and Iruka-dono's absence had Ensui acting fairly civilised. 

He had no doubt that if the kids weren't there, Ensui would have probably tipped Kakashi into the well and let him drown. 

(not that Kakashi would have gone into the well without a fight, Ensui was a _maiko_ after all.) 

As it was, Ensui was perfectly pleasant and polite, getting the kids washed up and getting them food - showing the whole _entertainer_ face that all geisha had perfected, apparently from the _womb_ , and Naruto was telling the maiko all about their mission. 

If the maiko was scrupulously giving all three of the kids equal attention (and none to Kakashi) that was all to the better - and probably part of the training. 

"Ensui-kun, I told you - ah." Iruka-dono blinked from the door. "Kakashi-san. And - " 

"Iru-nii!" Naruto bound up and dashed to Iruka-dono, catching him by the waist. "We just finished our _first_ C-class mission!" 

"Oh? And should you be telling me about it?" Iruka-dono said, and Kakashi could _hear_ the little lilt in his voice that was almost a tease, sweet and laughing. 

"You know a geisha?" Sasuke said, eyes wide and surprised. 

"He's my Iru-nii!" Naruto said, hotly, and Ensui laughed. 

"Don't worry, genin-kun," the maiko said. "I'll pay you attention if you're jealous." 

"Ensui-" Iruka-dono started. 

Ensui smirked a little, while Sasuke sputtered, turning pink - 

Well, Kakashi thought that at least Sasuke was starting to look human now. 

"Or you could just help me with chores," Ensui continued lightly. "It's nice to have a hand around here." 

And Sakura was automatically jumping to her feet, while Sasuke got to his reluctantly. 

Ensui smirked evilly at Kakashi over the blond head of Naruto, and ushered the other two genin out towards the back of the safehouse. 

Kakashi didn't think about how Naruto's presence was a definite hinderance with talking to Iruka-dono. 

At least tonight, Tenzou was going to show up and they'd actually do some more _proper_ training while the kids slept. 

*** 

"If you'd help with the firewood, Genin-kun," Ensui told the girl, "and he can help with the dishes." 

Sasuke made a grumpy noise about it, but the girl was happy to not be stuck with dishes or other kitchen-chores. 

Ensui would just bet that his baby cousin, spoiled shitless as he had been by Itachi as far as he could remember, wouldn't be keen on chores at all. 

He had to tie back his sleeves; as much as he would have loved to just leave the kid to it (if it was anyone else, he would have because Ensui wasn't all that keen on domestic chores either) he had another reason to have Sasuke in private.

"Sasuke-kun," he said, Sasuke was standing at the sink. "You're the last Uchiha, aren't you?" 

His cousin stiffened. "I will be," he said, voice a low growl. "My brother will pay." 

Ensui blinked at the sudden lashing of killing intent - genin-level as it was. "Ah," he said, carefully. 

"I _must_ get stronger," Sasuke said, and he was glaring at the dishes so hard they might actually catch fire and - there was a sort of strange vibration underneath, which tickled the way chakra might, rather than just emotions. 

Itachi hadn't been very clear about what he'd done, other than that he'd done it to protect Sasuke, and Ensui … 

It wasn't his specialty, but the buzz of chakra under Sasuke's emotions was odd enough he reached down to snag Sasuke's chin, tipping his eyes up to look at him, snapping his sharingan on before the kid could even protest. 

Genjutsu was _definitely_ not his specialty, even if he'd awakened his sharingan relatively young. 

But sharingan called to sharingan - and it was easy enough to see the traces of it, an underlying genjutsu that threaded into Sasuke's mind, heavy handed and _mutated_. 

_Get stronger and defeat me_. Simple directive. 

The worst things about simple directives were that if you put too much strength into them, they could mutate, twist on themselves and burn into obsession. 

Couple that with trauma and _blood_... 

"Fuck," Ensui breathed. 

"Who- " Sasuke said, but Ensui was pushing at the genjutsu, feeling his eye spin. 

Sharingan-based genjutsu were _subtle_ , and it'd take a hell lot of experience to detect, and usually another Uchiha. 

With no other Uchiha, other than that pale imitation _thief_ inside the safehouse, no one would have noticed Sasuke was under a genjutsu so simple, so _strong_. Already the edges had been licking with fire, which meant that Sasuke would have - 

How quickly would he have spiralled into dark obsession? 

Ensui didn't rip it out, but it took a little more effort than it should have, because Itachi must have used his mangekyo as well, not the first level of sharingan, and Sasuke collapsed when Ensui turned off his sharingan. 

Ensui was going to yell at Itachi the next time he saw him. 

*** 

Kakashi must have driven the kids too hard; he was never very good at this thing, gauging normal _kids_ , normal genin, when he'd spent most of his life around older, faster, better, always having to prove himself and keep up, until he'd suddenly burst into jounin-rank and realised that he was the youngest one there. For all he knew, he might have pushed the pace of the kids too fast. 

The maiko had put Sasuke to bed; he'd fallen asleep on his feet doing the dishes, Ensui'd said, and even Sakura looked a bit droopy. 

"You should get some rest too, Naruto-kun," Iruka-dono told Naruto, and Naruto was reluctant to let go but Iruka-dono nudging him towards the room with the rest of his teammates had him more obliging, compared to the way he'd protest and demand _why_ when it was Kakashi. 

The maiko himself looked a little worn, pale, so the virulent glare he had for Kakashi was a little less intent. 

"Don't you want to get some rest, Ensui-kun?" Iruka-dono asked, but from the fine-lined scowl he gave Iruka-dono, it wasn't an argument he was going to push for. 

"I thought I'd join in your training with _Kakashi-san_ ," Ensui said, and Kakashi sighed. 

Well, Tenzou should show up soon, and then they could at least distract the - well, cockblocking was one word - maiko. 

*** 

It was the first time that both Tenzou and Kakashi had turned up for training at the same time, Iruka realised. 

Both at the same time - and apparently this intrigued Ensui enough that he didn't try to keep Kakashi away from the job he was supposed to do. 

(It made sense now, knowing what he did of Ensui's previous life, that he had been doing it _quite_ deliberately. Ensui had been not only shinobi, he'd been one of the more famous ones; Iruka knew - vaguely - the names of the more famous shinobi, even if he didn't know what they _looked_ like, and Uchiha Shisui had been known for his fiery speed while Kakashi for his lightning flash. Outside of the doujutsu issue, it was no wonder that they didn't get along.) 

Tenzou seemed - more awkward than usual, with Kakashi being more laconic and teasing. Seemed to be flustering Tenzou whenever Kakashi made some comments that might almost be pointed. 

Which… 

"Maa, Tenzou," Kakashi said, "why don't we work on weaponry first? You can make the targets." 

"But Senpai-" Tenzou said, and he was blushing, definitely blushing and - he was glancing to both him and Ensui, who was sitting in the corner, ostensibly reading but obviously keeping a sharp eye on Kakashi. 

"Just show him, Tenzou," Kakashi said. "After all, we should be honest with our close friends ne?" 

Tenzou stilled a little, the words _but senpai_ forming on his lips, but he was looking at Iruka now, a little like - 

Tension. Not enough to be _fear_ but … 

Iruka smiled encouragingly at him. "My aim isn't going to be able to hurt you or your targets yet, Tenzou-san," Iruka said. Which… didn't ease the tension at all, but he licked his lips, coming to some sort of decision. 

"Iruka-dono," Tenzou said, "Please don't.. Be afraid?" 

"I am not," Iruka said reassuringly. 

"It's just - I have - i can-" he swallowed, and then held out a hand, and for a moment nothing happened. 

Then a sapling pushed up from the ground, putting forth little green leaves and gained height, twisting up and straight, putting forth branches as easily as stretching, the sound of rapidly growing wood and bark almost a creak in the air. 

"Oh!" Iruka said, stepping back as the sapling swelled thicker and could no longer be called one - it was already starting to bud above his head, pale green buds turning white and opening as the thick, definitely heady scent of orange blossom filled the air. "Oh," iruka said again, reaching up to touch a branch heavy with the white blooms. 

"I have - the mokuton," Tenzou said, his voice soft and Iruka blinked to look at him. 

"I thought there was only five releases," Iruka said. "I must have misremembered." 

He didn't quite roll his eyes as Ensui huffed a laugh behind him. 

"Uh," Tenzou said. 

"You clearly have good control of it?" Iruka offered. 

"It's technically a combination of earth and water transformations," Kakashi said, and when Iruka glanced at him, his shoulders had slumped into a relaxed, almost amused pose. He too had been just a bit tense. 

Huh. 

"It's still very good," Iruka said. "So… wait you were the one who cleared the forest here?" 

Tenzou nodded. 

And Tenzou had been the one to make the hairpins, Iruka realised. He hadn't _carved_ them - he could just _make_ them… "That's incredible," he said and Tenzou ducked his face a little. 

"Well," Kakashi said, his visible eye crinkling a little, "So let's get to the training ne?" 

*** 

Training went interestingly - exhausting in a good way. Having to concentrate on accuracy - and then moving targets, vaguely human shaped wood constructs was an interesting practice. 

Iruka-dono was covered in sweat by the end of it - and Ensui-san the maiko was apparently perfectly pleased to just sit there and do nothing more than read and judge Kakashi. 

"I think we're done for the night," Kakashi said finally when Iruka-dono almost dropped his hairpin. "Good job, Iruka-dono." 

Tenzou tuned out the conversation for a moment as he pulled the trees back into the ground, returning them back to the earth. 

The others were already starting to head back to the safehouse, when he caught a snippet of Iruka-dono's words. 

"- and then Kisame-san showed me his sword," Iruka-dono said.

It was barely a moment of thought when he snapped a hand to in front of Iruka-dono, preventing him from moving. 

"Iruka-dono! Did someone … offer to show you… their sword?!" 

Iruka-dono blinked huge eyes at his arm, then at him. "Yes?" 

"You _looked_ at it?" he wasn't sure he could keep the distress out of his voice. That had to have been - how dare someone - "Did you _touch_ it?" 

Iruka-dono regarded him for a moment, then his gaze narrowed, and Tenzou was suddenly aware of their positions - him caging Iruka-dono in, and this was _not_ how he'd intended to use the move, this was - 

He jolted his arm back. 

"He offered," Iruka-dono said, crisply. "Why wouldn't I? Just the hilt though," here his mouth quirked just a little. "He's very large." 

Kakashi-senpai choked behind him, but Tenzou was staring in shock. 

Oh god he'd touched - the Kiri missing-nin had made Iruka-dono touch … 

"I could barely get my hand around it," Iruka-dono continued, and if Tenzou wasn't flailing mentally in horror, Iruka-dono's smile turning almost wicked and pleased would have made him flush with pleasure. 

"Iruka-dono! That's - he - I can't let - I will stop anyone who makes you touch their -" 

Ensui gasped raggedly. "Oh kamisama, i don't even need to _try_ , you do it all on your own!" 

Iruka-dono's smile was full-fledged wicked now. "Kisame-san said if I touched anywhere else of Samehada, it'd flay my skin off." 

Tenzou blinked. "What?" Samehada? 

"Samehada, his weapon," Iruka-dono said, his tone completely innocent. "Why, Tenzou-san, what were you thinking I was talking about?" 

Ensui was making a ragged gasping sound. 

"Ensui-kun," Iruka said, turning away from Tenzou, "we should go get cleaned up." and then he turned a glance at Tenzou and Kakashi over his shoulder. "Perhaps if your minds are already _there_ , you could try being more actually explicit about courtship." 

And then he walked off. 

"I honestly," Ensui said, still sniggering and smacked Tenzou in the shoulder. "You're terrible. Good luck, man." then he was opening his stride to catch up with Iruka-dono. 

"What just -" Tenzou said. 

"I think," Kakashi said, his voice extremely even and slow. "That Iruka-dono just told us to court him for real." 

He nudged Tenzou's shoulder. "Good work on the kabedon, Tenzou-kun." 

Tenzou huffed. "I think he was laughing at me." he eyed Kakashi. "I think _you_ were laughing at me, senpai." 

Kakashi just snorted. Which was as good as a laugh, the asshole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALTERNATE TITLE: Take a chance on meeeeeeee
> 
> Ensui: No, I'm all about the doujutsu issue, speed isn't a problem here. 
> 
> God. Finally this chapter is done, the OT3 is finally on the same page - ish, and they can start courting in earnest
> 
> This kabedon scene has an outtake, which is "What if Tenzou was REALLY oblivious about the sword metaphor?" 
> 
> Meanwhile, here is the reference material for kabedon Tenzou totally used, but completely failed in completing.   
> [ Multiple Kabedon](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9bQP8yjTs0)
> 
> And I just… removed the whole Haku/Zabuza issue by making it Not An Issue At All. And Kakashi probably wouldn't nominate Team 7 to the Chuunin exams yet because he's too busy with his part-time job of failing to woo Iruka, and honestly should he even be nominating Team 7 so soon???? So the team gets another year to noodle around, and then there's the fact that Sasuke has to recover from the genjutsu that Ensui'd removed from his head, so that PROBABLY helps and then averts the whole Orochimaru bullshit (though i assume itachi would have gutted Orochimaru entirely if he'd tried to steal Sasuke) etc etc etc time-line what fucking time-line i just wanted an OT3 and kimono okay. 
> 
> The entire timeline is GONE, out the window, it's this Nebulous Time when Team 7 is doing missions in this Nebulous timeperiod where Kakashi gets covered in mud a LOT and There is makingouts with Geisha. Eventually. ONE OF THESE DAYS .


	10. What was stolen must be returned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ensui has a Plan to fix the mess that is Danzou.

You'd never think that the former ANBU Tenzou and Kakashi were absolutely _failures_ at courtship, but Ensui had seen with his own two eyes two elite ex-ANBU completely fuck up trying to express interest in Iruka-sensei. 

Ensui supposed Tenzou had some sort of excuse - the man had popped up into ANBU a handful of years ago, fully formed and blank-faced, following Kakashi around, putting paid to the rumours that there was some sort of secret shadowy ANBU. 

Considering just who the fuck poisoned Ensui so that Danzou could rip his eye out, Ensui was pretty sure that the rumours were more like _concrete reality_. 

Still, you'd think the Eye-thief would be better at flirting, just because the bastard had the whole, "I'm the youngest chuunin in the history of konoha" legacy didn't mean he lacked working eyeballs and a brain. 

Unless it got rotted out by that porn he read. 

(As much as Ensui admired Jiraiya, that porn was… not his best work) 

Ensui had only had to stay for _one_ attempt of Kakashi trying to hit on Iruka-sensei. He'd said something like _you worked so hard today Iruka-dono, what if I gave you a massage -_ and Iruka-sensei's eyes had narrowed at the _ridiculous_ tone and then smacked Kakashi in the ribs with his tessen. Ensui had had to leave before he killed himself laughing at Kakashi's startled face. 

They were so. Bad. At. This. 

Ensui stabbed his thumb and summoned his crows, letting the hilarity of Iruka-sensei's rejection steady his voice. 

As much as he wanted to yell at Itachi for fucking Sasuke over, Itachi probably had a reason. Even if the reason was probably "I trusted the Hokage." 

Ensui believed in the Will of Fire, sure, he believed in his comrades, but he sure as fuck didn't believe in Danzou and that the Hokage wouldn't listen to Danzou. 

Not after Shisui's death. 

Not after what they'd cornered Itachi into doing, and then leaving Sasuke with that growing worm of a genjutsu in him. 

(Sure, without actual _users_ of the sharingan, only those specifically looking for such subtlety would find it, maybe, but Ensui wanted to be angry, and Danzou was still alive, and Sasuke was at risk with just Kakashi to protect him and Itachi so far afield.) 

The worst part, he thought, as he regarded his crow, and the bird gave him an unimpressed stare, was that he was going to have to ask Kakashi a favour too. 

Kakashi was the only one he knew who knew any medic who could deal with the sharingan, since Danzou had essentially had _every_ Uchiha medic killed. And, no, Danzou was not a fucking medic and he didn't want to know what he did to his other eye. 

(Had he even cleaned his hands? Gross.) 

"Tell Itachi this: Itachi, you idiot," he said to the crow. "You absolute stupid _idiot_ , that genjutsu was going to explode in Sasuke's brain and then what? Both of you go blind and stupid and brain dead and leave me as the only one left? You idiot! Stay the hell safe so I can give you my eye. End message." 

Then he shooed his crow out the window. 

Now, he thought, pulling up the image of Kakashi's shocked face in his mind, and fixing it there. He was going to ask Hatake "That Bastard" Kakashi a _favour_. 

*** 

"Hatake," the maiko said, while Kakashi was packing up. Iruka-dono was outside, Tenzou having already left to his next stop, however reluctantly, and Naruto had demanded Iruka-dono show him the gardens. 

Kakashi looked up with a frown. 

"Yes, maiko-san?" 

"Tell me how you stole my cousin's eye," the maiko said, very sweet. 

"What," Kakashi said. 

"You don't recognise me? Sharingan no Kakashi," Ensui said, and his gaze was dark and suddenly it snapped to red, even as the room suddenly _flared_ , a familiar _fiery_ chakra signature that had belonged to a shinobi who should have been dead. 

Shunshin no Shisui. 

Shit. 

Kakashi scrambled to his feet, hand going to a kunai - 

"That isn't going to harm me," _Shisui_ said. "I could have killed you several times the entire time you've been coming here to train Iruka-sensei." 

Shisui rolled his shoulders and then pulled back his chakra signature, coiling it tight under his skin until it seemed like he was just someone with a little bit of chakra training, almost a civilian, wide-eyed pretty dolled up maiko, except for the grin that had too much teeth. 

"I wouldn't mark up the walls either," Shisui said. "It'd piss off Iruka-sensei." 

"Is that why you dislike me so much?" Kakashi said after a moment. "I thought it was because you had a crush on Iruka-dono." 

Shisui snorted. "Hardly. I have plenty of reason to dislike you. I just… need a favour." 

"To know how i stole Obito's eye?" Kakashi didn't let go of his kunai, and Shisui's gaze glinted but he didn't make a move to try and gouge out his eye either. 

"You're still in one piece after so many years," Shisui pointed out. "You haven't shut down entirely or turned into a brain dead vegetable - you must know someone who'd transplanted it without killing you." 

Kakashi exhaled slowly. "Why do you want to know?" 

Shisui's grin dropped. "Someone I know… needs this eye more than I do." His fingers twitched. "I'm not going to be able to help him take out his threat, but I can give him my eye." 

"Does the Hokage know you're here?" 

Shisui laughed. It was mean and sharp. 

"The Hokage _posted_ me here," he said, mocking. "I was a loyal shinobi, and this was my reward for trying to do what he said." 

"You were - you commited suicide," Kakashi said because he remembered that, even if it was barely a murmur of a prelude in the horrifying tragedy of the Uchiha Massacre.

"That's what Danzou's been telling everyone?" Shisui said. "Get me a medic, eye-thief. I guess I will owe you a favour then." his smirk suddenly returned. "I might even give you a cheat code to courting Iruka-sensei." 

"A what," Kakashi said, flatly. 

"Then again, maybe you wouldn't be able to use it," Shisui said thoughtfully. "He gave you open permission to courting and then you just flubbed it." 

Kakashi wasn't flushing. He was just staring at Shisui because of the incongruity of maiko in pristine make up and kimono and the _knowledge_ that he was a shinobi, one of the best jounin Konoha had and he was not _dead_ and was judging him on his dating game. 

"I didn't _flub_ it," Kakashi protested. 

"You're useless," Shisui said, condescendingly. "You _need_ the cheat code - But get me that medic first." 

Shisui smirked at him, and then dipped his head at him in a mockery of a geisha's bow, and turned to leave.

"Wait," Kakashi said, swallowed, as Shisui paused in the doorway. 

"What," Shisui said, looking back at him over his shoulder. 

"I'm sorry," Kakashi said. "I… I wasn't fast enough. To stop him, I mean." 

Shisui eyed him - studying him for a long moment. Kakashi could watch him - _see_ him actually make the jump. That Kakashi had been there, the night of, and he'd been too late, too _slow_ , and hadn't been able to stop Itachi from doing what he'd been forced into doing. 

"Just get me the medic," Shisui said after a moment, a tiny tilt of his head that might be almost an acceptance of his apology, "Eyestealer." Then he left. 

No respect at all, Kakashi thought. And whatever the 'cheatcode' Shisui was talking about, he didn't actually mind the idea of Shisui owing him a favour. 

He did know a medic though. He'd tell her to stop by. 

He hoped she'd punch Shisui through a wall. 

***

Itachi didn't deign to return a crow nor a message, but Ensui sent another message to him to tell him he had better get his ass back here within a week. 

Iruka-sensei had had word from Kakashi that the medic would arrive then, after all. 

Did he trust the medic that Kakashi had scrounged up from nowhere? 

Ensui didn't know if he did. 

_She wouldn't tell the Hokage if you're worried_ , Kakashi had said, and that probably would have to be good enough. 

As long as Danzo didn't hear about it until Itachi was ready, Ensui figured that it would be worth it. 

*** 

The medic turned up in the afternoon, squinting at the wards and thankfully not barging in. 

And… 

"Missing-nin?" Ensui said, staring at the hitai-ate she hung at her hip like a forgotten pouch. 

She shrugged, and her gaze was dark, ocean-deep, and for a moment, almost alien. 

Then she was grinning, the dark tattoos on her cheeks crinkling. "Yup," she said, cocking her head at him. "What's your name? You probably already know me, Geisha-san, I'm Snapping Turtle." 

Ensui blinked. 

Snapping Turtle was one of the operatives that Jiraiya used - apparently she was as nomadic as he was, and her reports tended to come from all over the Elemental countries, rather than one specific spot.

Nearing thirty, the woman looked completely unruffled to be standing in the courtyard of a geisha house, polite enough but hardly awed. 

Well. Then again, Ensui wasn't wearing his fancy make up and kimono. 

"Did you owe Hatake a favour?" 

Despite Konoha's ideals about Village loyalty, shinobi leaving the village was a reality; just few of them were as dramatic as say, Orochimaru. Or disowned as publicly as Itachi had been. The majority who became quietly missing-nin were just gone one day from the next, and only the Hokage knew who they were. And as long as they kept their heads down and out of Konoha's business, they generally weren't hunted down. In fact, many of them became sources of intelligence for Jiraiya, especially if they settled outside of Fire Country.

"Nah," she said, shrugging, tipping her head a little to the sky. "He's paying my exorbitant fee." 

"A medic for hire," Ensui said, opening the door. 

"Woman's got to eat," she said cheerfully, stepping right in and didn't even pause when she saw Itachi lurking like a vampire in the shadows. "They churn them out so young these days," she said, and ruffled Itachi's hair. "You got a room set up for me?" 

Ignored Itachi's blinking - 

Ensui shrugged at him. "The bastard probably must really want that favour," he said. 

*** 

She was pretty deft with the operation - only taking a few hours and ensuring that there was no pain, sending Iruka-sensei to fetch hot water. 

She really was fairly familiar with the care needed to deal with the sharingan which meant Ensui had a suspicion of who she _was_. 

"You're going to go blind in the other eye eventually," She told Itachi frankly, "Unless you stop using the mangekyo in it entirely." 

Itachi dipped his head. 

"If you use it till you _do_ go blind," Ensui said, blinking blearily through Itachi's eye, which. 

Felt strange and slightly off but Snapping Turtle had told him was psychosomatic, he'd adjust to it eventually. 

"I'm going to send crows till you go deaf." 

The medic snorted. "Cousins right?" she said, which was just as much a hint that she knew who _they_ were. 

Itachi was infamous, but Ensui - well-known in his own way but.. 

If he didn't ask her name, she was doing them the courtesy of not asking them theirs either, even if she already knew, probably from Hatake asshole kakashi. 

"That a guess?" 

"Uh huh. A little too different to be siblings, but close enough to have the transplant," she said and went to wash her hands. "And in _your_ payment, " she said cheerfully, "you get to feed me lunch. Healing's hungry work." 

That would be simple enough right? 

***

Turned out that feeding Snapping Turtle was an endeavour and a half - even Iruka-sensei remarked that the only person he knew who ate that much was Naruto-kun. 

"He's doing well then," the medic said, ears all but perking at the mention of Naruto as she demolished her sixth bowl of rice and fish, and was eying the rest of their stock. 

"Pretty well," Iruka-sensei said. "He's with his jounin-sensei now." 

"Good," the medic said and made herself pull away with a sigh, still obviously ready to keep going for another four or ten bowls but if she ate them out of the month's budget even the Hokage would notice. "I should get going. I haven't been this near Konoha in years." 

And for a short brief flash of a moment, it was like wistful longing crossing her face. 

But maybe Ensui was seeing things, because she snapped back to cheerful again. 

(And what would a missing-nin miss about konoha? ) 

"Well, send me a crow if something fucks up in the eye, and maybe I'll even be able to get back in time to unfuck it," she said brightly. 

*** 

"That was," Itachi said quietly when she left, "the sanbi jinchuuriki." 

"And you didn't say anything before hand?" Ensui said. "I thought she was Nohara Rin, back from the dead." 

"You're not exactly dead either," Itachi said dryly. 

"I never _died_." 

"You're officially dead," Itachi said. "Which keeps you safe so please don't go charging into Konoha." 

Ensui shuddered at the thought. He most definitely wouldn't dare go into Konoha even if he had Itachi's mangekyo. "You're going to be doing that for me I'm sure." 

"I'll do anything to keep you safe," Itachi said, and he was catching Ensui by the sleeve, pulling him close, voice low and intent. "Once I get rid of the Akatsuki… Danzou is next." 

Ensui grinned at that, and leaned in to nuzzle Itachi's cheek, smirking at the somewhat murderous intent. "I know. I'll be waiting for the good news." 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this chapter was hard as fuck, and I had to get the eyes swapped and now itachi can deal with his shit OFF SCREEN so i can carry on with the threesome because wtf. 
> 
> Also Nohara Rin not being dead but instead a missing-nin sanbi jinchuuriki is my headcanon and you cannot take it from me. I know it fucks with Kiri's time-line but fuckit i don't care, they were the ones to shove it into rin in the first place. I'm mostly irritated with kishimoto always writing out women as sacrifices or something, so my headcanon from now on is Rin isn't dead. I've written a fic,[Where are All The Gods](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19000516/chapters/45120211), which can be tweaked to fit all my fics eventually. This headcanon-y fic explains how Rin went missing nin, may or may not describe her relationship with Kakashi, but mostly will be her relationship with Isobu, the sanbi, and her Wacky Adventures across the Elemental Countries. So it's a bit of a twist to here, since Shisui is NOT out there being Rin's sparkly kept-person, and Kakashi is fail-wooing a geisha but you know, hilarity. 
> 
> It's not as funny as the rest i'm sorry. I was going bonkers and if the world-building is a bit thin here i'm so sorry. I'll get back to the OT3 asap. 
> 
> Also yeah the eyeballs are supposed to only go to people who are Closely Related according to Kishimoto but fuck you Kishi if Danzou can use them eyeballs then another Uchiha should be able to use them too. Fuck u. They most definitely are more closely related to each other than DANZOU is to Kagami or Shisui was. SO THERE.


	11. When All is Said and Done

Iruka scowled down at the set of manuscripts on his desk. 

Ensui had claimed a headache from his eye and was now lying in his dark room with a cold wet cloth over his face and trying to play dead. 

For not immediately telling the Hokage about his secret plan to conduct probably unsanctioned eye surgery, Iruka had extracted a promise from Ensui to one, do a month's worth of analyses _and_ get more intel from the town, and two, to stop harassing Kakashi - and now Tenzou, probably - about their courtship. Ensui had readily agreed to the first, and looked mulish about the second until he'd given in ungraciously. 

(Ensui was a maiko - steadily closer to geisha than maiko these days - and Iruka was already feeling like he was _family_ , the way all geisha _were_ , despite Ensui's unfortunate shinobi tendencies to string up fire traps everywhere in any room he was spending more than five hours in, and his _extremely_ unfortunate taste in men. He wasn't going to admit it to Ensui though, not without extracting promises from him to do the part of the work Iruka wasn't particularly feeling up to.)

Iruka should have expected that there would be… well it's not complications, but that there was post-surgery _care_ , and apparently the newly transplanted eye was still a bit dry and Ensui was prone to headaches. 

He said that the medic - who Ensui had made a strange face about, but hadn't explained - had said it'd fade eventually, probably within two weeks, but it meant that Ensui was really not up to long hours of paperwork until after a fortnight. 

And two days after, a smoky crow had spat out a scroll on Ensui's lap and was revealed to contain a thick manuscript that the medic wanted Ensui to edit into a food travelogue. 

_"As some sort of payment,"_ Ensui had snorted. And then when Ensui had a headache, graciously dumped it on Iruka's desk to edit. 

Iruka was _not_ an editor, dammit. 

There was probably some promise he could extract from Ensui for him doing his work, Iruka thought a little grimly, poking the stack with a pen. 

A little scraping sound at his window was more than welcome to break his concentration on the somewhat haphazard description of Wind cuisine - Iruka looked up and blinked when Tenzou slid into his window. 

He hadn't sent an alert via sparrow, so this was unexpected. 

"Hello, Tenzou-san," he said, raising an eyebrow, noting that Tenzou was taking a deep breath. 

"Iruka-dono," Tenzou said, and then blurted out, "You may put up walls, but I will break them down!" 

Iruka stared at him for a long moment. "... What walls?" he asked. 

Tenzou's cheeks reddened. "... Heart walls…?" 

Oh, Iruka suddenly recognised that line. It was from _The Water God's Bride_ , one of the mid-season episodes and Iruka resisted the urge to laugh. Or possibly palm his face. 

He should have _known_. 

"And you were planning on using what, exactly?" Iruka said in the exact same tone. 

Tenzou swallowed and looked cornered because Iruka _knew_ he was definitely not following the script.

"My… words?" he said. 

Iruka tilted his head, studying Tenzou. He was too good a shinobi to actually fidget, but Iruka guessed he probably wanted to. "You've never tried courting for real have you," he said drily. It wasn't a question. 

Tenzou definitely turned red then. "I know real courting!" 

Outside of a tv-show, you don't, Iruka didn't say. "And what was your expected outcome?" he enquired. 

"A -" Tenzou looked stymied. And cornered. It was, Iruka thought, almost painful. Ensui was fortunately not here to do the actual laughing, because he thought Tenzou would probably bolt. "- kiss?" 

And then he all but choked on his air, "I - I have to go, Iruka-dono!" and then he was gone in an actual swirl of leaves. 

Iruka carefully dropped his head down onto the medic's manuscript. 

Was he going to have to educate Tenzou on how to _court_? 

*** 

The medic - Iruka didn't know her name, and Snapping Turtle seemed a little too ANBU, a little too code-name like, but he was referring to her in his mind as _Kame-san_ , and his comments in the margins were littered with it. 

She wasn't a bad writer, per se, just messy, but the descriptions of the steamed carp dishes from Ame were almost melt-in-your mouth, and the steak-and-kidney pies and melted cheese from Lightning were incredibly visceral. It made him almost wistful, he thought, to go travel. 

For all the information that passed across his desk, Iruka had _never_ been out of Fire Country; he'd only been up to the capital once when he was still a maiko, interning under Fuyu, and had been a little overwhelmed by the sheer variety of food and people. 

Fire Country was huge, and had an even larger variety of regional cultures and cuisines, and that didn't even touch on the fact that Fire Country had a relatively open immigration policy in general. It explained why the bloodline limits in Konoha were so diverse, why even though the majority of shinobi were fire-affiliated, other affiliations were not insignificant either.

Drove other Villages nuts, Iruka guessed. 

"Thinking of going to Country of Hot Springs, Iruka-dono?" 

Iruka almost jumped, elbow driving back and hard - Kakashi caught his arm, just a moment too slow - on purpose, probably, because Iruka knew how fast he had to be. "Kakashi-san!" 

"Wouldn't mind going together," Kakashi said, and the cheerful _leer_ was obvious in his voice, dripping with innuendo, and Iruka scowled a little and snagged his fan with the other hand and smacked Kakashi's head before he could say another word. 

It was a little buffered by all that fluffy hair, and Kakashi pouted. 

"Is my office now a free-for-all?" Iruka asked dryly. 

"Maa, Iruka-dono," Kakashi said, "You did say we could court you." 

Iruka didn't roll his eyes. He did like them a little more confident, yes, but … "Doesn't mean you should be - were you using pick-up lines from Icha Icha?" 

"Not… quite," Kakashi said slowly. "You've read them?" 

I apparently star in a few, Iruka didn't say. 

"I'll reject anything that comes from those books," Iruka told him. "Very violently." 

Kakashi looked like he'd smacked him on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper. 

He was really quite like his summons and code-name, Iruka thought, and even if he _wanted_ to just, pet that fluffy white hair, he wasn't going to reward anything related to Icha Icha. 

"... Quite a few tv-dramas are based on those books aren't they," he realised. 

"Yes?" Kakashi said, a little confused. 

"... If Tenzou comes to me with any of _those_ lines," Iruka said, "I'm going to burn Jiraiya-sama's hair." 

*** 

The crow swooped into the window, flight and tail feathers trailing gentle plumes of smoke, and landed on Ensui's face. 

"Gah," Ensui said, flailing a little. 

"Akatsuki is taken care of," the crow murmured with Itachi's voice. 

"What, already? Didn't Snapping Turtle say not to use it at once?" 

The crow didn't answer, and just started pecking at Ensui's forehead till he sat up. 

"Argh, brat." 

"You're the brat," the crow croaked in its own voice. "Feed me. Itachi-sama is two days away, he is eager to return and I hope that I'll be dismissed by then. I hate witnessing mammalian mating rituals." 

"It's a lot less ritual and just _mating_ ," Ensui said. 

"Gross," the crow said.  
  


* * *

  
  
Iruka had finished editing the manuscript, and now he'd dumped it on Ensui's desk. Ensui was, fortunately, actually doing his job this time instead of mooning around after his cousin's visit. 

Since Itachi was Ensui's cousin, Iruka had decided that All Things Uchiha Itachi was Ensui's problem to deal with - that included any fall out with Konoha and the Hokage. Thus far Uchiha Itachi had not actually impacted any of the local politics right _here_ so Iruka could safely pretend ignorance. 

Ensui was, after all, his maiko - the Geisha did take care of their own after all. 

He had his own paperwork to deal with - letters to answer from his other colleagues, and he should probably deal with those. 

But he'd been hunched over a desk for four hours, he wanted to stretch his fingers and do something else. 

Flute it was - he'd go out to the garden while it was still light, and give himself a bit of a break from reading. 

Tenzou was in the garden, straightening a little guiltily when he saw Iruka. 

"... There was no warning that you'd be coming today," Iruka murmured, raising an eyebrow at him, a little expectantly. At least he didn't ambush Iruka with terrible pick-up lines in his office. 

Satsuki-niisama's response when Iruka had written to him had been mostly amused, and had only mentioned _sweet potatoes take effort_. 

At least he hadn't said anything like, sweet potatoes needing trimming or pruning or - or whatever terrible agricultural puns that he _knew_ Satsuki-niisama could come up with. 

"No, Iruka-dono," Tenzou said, still looking a little shifty. 

Iruka glanced down at his feet - there was a tiny sapling about a hand's width tall. 

"... What were you planting in my garden?" 

"An … orange tree?" 

Iruka exhaled. 

Sweet potatoes take _effort_. Okay. 

"Tenzou-san," Iruka said, putting down his flute, "Maybe I should be more clear. If you tell me, clearly, with your own words, what you want, there is a very good chance I will say yes. Otherwise, if you use words written by someone else, I will definitely say no." 

Tenzou looked wide-eyed at him and - Iruka could feel his stern expression soften a little. "In my line of work, I also receive many gifts. But…" He reached up to pull out one of the three-pronged hairpins that he knew Tenzou had made - _grown_ \- for him. "... I keep these because they were made sincerely and personally for me." He slotted his fingers in between the prongs, and looked at Tenzou. "And I accept the feelings that came with them, because they were sincere and from the heart." 

The look in Tenzou's eyes was not a little stunned, but also … huge and hopeful. 

Iruka rubbed his thumb over the smooth curve of the hairpin. 

"Tell me what you want, Tenzou-san." 

Tenzou's mouth opened, and Iruka could see the visible fight to make the request. To - just verbalise it. 

"Would. Would you eat an orange with me, Iruka-dono?" 

Iruka blinked and - 

In _The Water God's Bride_ , it was in the penultimate episode that Umi, the girl mistakenly taken by Suijin-sama had finally asked the Water God to eat an orange with her, symbolising her intent to stay in the ocean with him. 

Iruka smiled.

It was his own words - a tv-drama scenario, yes, but it was Tenzou's words asking and Iruka could see his cheeks redden under the happuri. Such a tiny request, but it clearly meant a _lot_ to Tenzou, and that was what Iruka had asked for, wasn't it? Sincere feelings. 

"Yes, of course I would. But I will want a favour in return," Iruka said, as Tenzou straightened, eager to accomplish the task. 

"Anything you ask, Iruka-dono!" 

Iruka tucked his hairpin into his obi, and reached back to undo the bun that his braids were in, letting them fall down. "Help me pin my hair up after." 

Tenzou's eyes went huge and _round_. "Oh," he said, almost reverentially, and he was stepping forward, and the sapling thickened, reached up for the sky and branched - growing buds and filling the garden with the rich, thick scent of orange blossoms before the fruit swelled ripe and golden. 

*** 

"You've been following me since the market," Ensui said to the trees. 

The trees were silently skeptical. 

"Just because I'm geisha now doesn't mean I can't still tell when a jounin is perving on me, _Eye-thief_ ," Ensui said. "I also have no opposition to setting the trees on fire." 

"Maa," Kakashi dropping down beside Ensui. "That would offend Iruka-dono, wouldn't it?" 

"I'm sure he'll just ask Tenzou-san to regrow it," Ensui said dismissively. 

"Tenzou." 

Ensui glanced at him, flicking his hair over his shoulder. "Oh, the great Sharingan no Kakashi didn't know his kouhai was here?" 

He smirked at Kakashi's narrowed look; annoyed, probably. 

Ensui was hardly intimidated - if the man got irritating enough, Ensui might actually initiate a spar and hand him his ass. Even with just the one eye, it was more than enough. He wasn't known as Shunshin no Shisui for no reason. 

"Perhaps you should go pay an actual polite visit to Iruka-sensei," Ensui said, "Instead of sneaking in like a thief." 

"I'm not a thief." 

Ensui snorted, and did NOT gesture at his left eye, the mirror to Obito's sharingan. "Now go away, Kakashi-san," he said, mockingly. "I have a secret assignation, and third wheels aren't invited." 

Kakashi _did_ glare at him this time, and Ensui snorted when he disappeared in a haughty puff of leaves. 

Well he'd paid his favour off to Kakashi now, if the man fucked it up that was his own problem. 

*** 

Whatever the maiko's intentions of letting him know about Tenzou's presence, Kakashi was going to dissect them _later_. Now was trying to get back to Iruka-dono and see… 

Well he was kind of out of ideas with courtship, and Tenzou might have gotten further hadn't he? 

Kakashi wasn't ashamed to ask for help if necessary (just not from the extremely antagonistic maiko).

And he did try to use the door this time - Iruka-dono hadn't seemed particularly impressed with how he'd shown up in the window the last time, and while he had permission to court he didn't want to anger Iruka-dono.

So he'd used the door, but it wasn't even closed -

Tenzou looked up from where he had his fingers delicately stroking back Iruka-dono's hair from behind his ears, the room rich with the sharp bite of fresh, ripe sweet mikan - even though it was well into spring - long past the natural season for oranges. 

"Kakashi-senpai," he said, and. 

And Kakashi couldn't help but swallow _hard_. 

It had been hard enough seeing Iruka-dono during their training sessions, almost vulnerable in a simple yukata and the tessen in his hand, learning grace and defense from the violence Kakashi had been so careful to impart in tiny, bite-sized pieces. How he'd tried his best not to lean in just to inhale Iruka-dono's scent when he was already exercise-warmed and breathing hard. 

And now? Iruka-dono was turning to look at him, expression soft, inviting because of Tenzou, probably, and hair loose and thick curls against Tenzou's fingers and they looked good together, and good because they were so _close_ , like Iruka-dono trusted… 

Everything was so _physical_ , and Kakashi had grown up learning to channel physical into motion, to turn instinct into reaction, and yet… 

He didn't have anything he knew to do - there was no enemy to subdue, no goal to achieve, except to stare and yearn and _want_. 

"Kakashi-san," Iruka-dono said, soft, and he didn't seem at all surprised to see him. "What do you want?" 

It wasn't a demand in outrage - but that still-soft edge of invitation and Kakashi blurted, "This. This- touch. Together." 

And Iruka-dono smiled at him. "Then come here." 

*** 

_"Shimura Danzo confessed to attacking my clansman, and planning the elimination of the Uchiha Clan in front of a general meeting of Konoha's elders and Clan heads."_

Ensui stroked the crow's head and smiled. 

_"I've been reinstated as Konoha Shinobi and Clan Head,"_ Itachi's letter continued, _"though Sasuke is still wary I think we might… be able to rebuild something. Kisame has been complaining that the food here is too spicy for him and the weather too hot."_

Ensui laughed out-loud. "Tell your giant shark that he can swim in the Naka river and bite half the genin who hop in as a dare," he said. 

The crow rolled its eye at him, and Ensui snickered. "I'm not going to write a reply," he said, instead opening a box with the berries from the garden, and held out a handful to his crow. 

It ignored his hand and hopped straight into the box. 

"Brat," Ensui told it. "When you've eaten your fill, tell Itachi that I'll meet him in Konoha in three days." 

Which could well mean that he'd probably see Itachi on the way there, as long as he kept straight as the crow flies. 

He dropped his handful of berries on top of his crow's head, and laughed at its indignant squawk, and couldn't stop laughing. 

***

How was it, Tenzou marvelled, that they could have _this_? Just ask for it, and Iruka-dono would give it? 

"May I touch your hair, Kakashi-san?" And maybe Iruka-dono was smiling with a soft-tease to his mouth but he was looking down at Kakashi's head in his lap. 

And Tenzou and Kakashi - 

They _both_ knew, and had seen the way Iruka-dono had braced just for two breaths, before tugging Kakashi down to let him lie down, trusted and close, against his thigh. 

"You don't have to be so formal, Iruka-dono," Kakashi said, blinking lazily up at Iruka. 

"Neither of you have to be either," Iruka-dono - _Iruka_ \- said, his hand still hovering polite over Kakashi's hair, barely brushing over the soft silver fluff. 

As if he knew that behind the hair, behind the hitai-ate he normally wore was a scar that wasn't just the sharingan. 

And Tenzou knew that Kakashi would probably let Iruka do almost anything, when Iruka seemed like that. Soft and waiting for permission - 

Ah. 

Permission. Control... No. Less control and more… _agency._

Asking meant letting the person grant a request, acknowledging their _agency_ and - oh. 

"Go ahead, Iruka," Kakashi said, and shut his eye, and let Iruka brush his fingers through the thick white of his hair, even as Tenzou leaned down to gently stroke Iruka's hair out of his face. 

Twist, tuck, and then carefully, _tenderly_ , set the twist in place with a hairpin carved with orange blossoms. 

When Tenzou leaned in to brush his finger over a stray curl just past Iruka's ear, Iruka turned to press a kiss to Tenzou's hand, and smiled.

 

* * *

 

** EPILOGUE **

"Why does it cost _sixty million_ ryou to swap the second eye?" Ensui said, aghast. "That's more than my own bounty! Did the Eyethief really pay that much?" 

"It was a _gift_ ," Snapping Turtle said, eyes narrowing and Ensui abruptly remembered who she was. "Be careful of what you say or the price goes up." 

"Did _Hatake_ really pay that much," Itachi asked. 

"I gave him a discount. He paid his own bounty so I didn't have to tow him to the nearest bounty station to collect." Nohara Rin the Sanbi jinchuuriki hummed. "30 million for one eye each." 

"Outrageous, my own bounty isn't that high," Ensui sulked. "I was the most expensive Uchiha before I died. I bet I could be more expensive if I really tried." 

"It's still 60 million," Rin said. 

"You're still very expensive," Itachi reassured Ensui. 

Five years later, Ensui was named Yayoi-niisama, and was the first of Fire Geisha to be posted overseas. To the Water Daimyo's court, to be precise. 

Kiri was so damn terrified to find out that Shunshin no Shisui had not actually died and had instead retired to become a geisha, that they removed the bounty on Uchiha Shisui. 

Ensui sulked for two weeks. 

END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally done, this goddamn part is 61 pages on Google Docs. These idiots took 20+ k words to get into the same goddamn room, before they actually used their words and got to the actual touching For Intimacy. If I tried waiting for porn it'd probably be next year. Total page count for Part 1 and Part 2 is 106 pages and god let me die. 
> 
> Even Ensui and Itachi got together faster than these three idiots.
> 
> Next chapter is just a few outtake/alternate scenes because some of them struck me as hilarious.
> 
> * * *
> 
> https://www.thoughtco.com/can-you-tell-me-the-old-names-of-the-months-2027868 the old names of the months that are the Top Geisha names. At one point I was going to work in something with the Season names then decided not to. These are thus inherited 'title' names, much like how ANBU use animal names as codenames and can be inherited or passed on. They aren't ranked per-se, they're all about the same rank of Exceedingly Talented Geisha... 
> 
> though there's only one who is known as an ex-shinobi. :D 
> 
> (Iruka if he wants, might well inherit Satsuki's title, but he probably won't want to move up to a capital post)
> 
> Mutsuki - neesama  
> Kisaragi  
> Yayoi - niisama Ensui  
> Uzuki  
> Satsuki - niisama  
> Minazuki - niisama  
> Fumizuki  
> Hazuki  
> Nagatsuki  
> Kannazuki  
> Shimotsuki  
> Shiwasu - neesama
> 
> * * *
> 
> Thank you so much to rikacain for this, for helping me through it, for listening to me scream, and for suggesting things YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SAID.


	12. OMAKE 1: Kakashi vs Ensui GO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ensui and Kakashi have a friendly spar. 
> 
> :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the first of the omake/outtakes! To be fair I don't have many at the moment but that might change depending on my inspirations. 
> 
> timeline for this is... vaguely after Kakashi discovered Ensui is Shisui. It never happened, obviously, but hell why not write it for fun right?

Inspired by this passage of a fic by Blackkat: 

_"The long hair is especially interesting, Kakashi thinks. For shinobi, long hair is a declaration of skill, an assertion that any enemy looking to get close enough to use it against them will be dead long before he can get a hand on it. The Hyuuga keep their hair long because of the Byakugan and its nearly inescapable field of view. Uchiha Itachi, Madara, Jiraiya, Inoichi, Kushina, Senju Hashirama, even Tsunade—they all proved in battle that they’d more than earned the right to wear their hair long. For Obito to do the same is a clear statement of ability, and the fact that he survived an invasion that killed off all of the remaining Konoha shinobi says that it’s not an empty boast."_

 

"Sure you can take me on, maiko-san?" 

"Try _dono_ ," Ensui said, starting to braid his hair back. It was long past his waist if let loose, but he wasn't going to let all the careful work of yesterday's oiling and care to get it tangled in leaves and dirt. 

"You're not a geisha yet," the Eye-thief said, and it wasn't quite mocking, but Ensui could hear it there. 

They were both jounin - both _ANBU_ , and the tattoo was still in the blood even if it had been burned from his skin when Ensui left his old life behind. 

Mocking during spars was common place - unlike the more delicate, formal interactions between geisha and shinobi. Even compared to between geisha, the kind of barbs that a fellow shinobi could aim was sharper and more obvious. 

The spar had already started, even as Ensui tied off his braid and flicked it back over his shoulder. 

A dare. 

"Shall I promise not to touch it?" Kakashi said, and he was lazy looking, slouched, but it wasn't the kind of complete relaxation, no. It was a mask, a veneer, keeping himself loose so that he could launch forward without giving away any weaknesses and Ensui laughed, tipping his head to the side and baring his teeth. 

"I wouldn't want you to take a handicap, kakashi- _san_ ," he said. "Come." 

But of course Kakashi wasn't the one to strike first . 

Ensui _knew_ his fighting style, even if he'd never sparred him before - or even passed more than two words with him for all that they'd been in ANBU at the same time. 

Hatake Kakashi hung back and _watched_ , watched and waited and never would actually make a move until he could strike lethally. It was why he was labelled _kill on sight_ in the Bingo Books. 

But Uchiha Shisui? 

Ensui leapt forward, shoving chakra to his feet and Kami it felt _good_. He'd not used his speed like this for two years, and it was ridiculously freeing. 

Kakashi dodged, lashing out an arm and Ensui let himself skid to the side as he banked around, twisting as he hooked chakra into his ankle, the ground, whipping up a kick. 

Kakashi dropped the laconic posture - blurring out of range and then he was across the clearing . 

Of course - trying to keep his distance. 

Ensui just snarled a laugh, and zipped in closer, and before Kakashi could duck, flung a whole sweep of flame across the clearing. 

Kakashi's eye widened just a little, and he snapped out the seals for a suiton - and alright he was _fast_ with them, almost a blur, and hauled a dragon out of the air to slam across the fire towards Ensui, the whole clearing starting to hiss and steam. 

An obvious counter-attack; Ensui just shunshin'd out of the way, the world blurring as he flickered through the fire - and he caught the smell of burning hair. 

Oops. 

But that too, could be used - he closed the distance between them, so that Kakashi couldn't use a suiton, and if he was too close the only thing he could use would be clones or bodyswap and at the very least, Ensui could grab his arm, twist and spin in a bastardized version of Gentle Fist style and he felt his braid _whip_ across them both and slap Kakashi in the fucking face. 

Hah! 

That was enough to put out his braid, and he was going to have to trim the ends later but it was worth it for the sputter from Kakashi. 

Was he going to take him seriously now? 

"Come on, Kakashi- _senpai_ ," Ensui said mockingly. "There's a reason why Kiri-nin ran on hearing my _name_." 

Kakashi didn't even snarl - he just grabbed for Ensui's braid and yanked in a throw - Ensui went with the motion, vaulting over Kakashi's back and kicking him in the back of his head, hard enough, with enough _chakra_ , to send him almost stumbling to the ground - and he let go of Ensui's braid. 

A bit sloppy, a bit slow - Ensui was a tiny bit out of practice, and then - yes Kakashi was coming in, on his blind side, pushing in with his own speed and Kakashi wasn't the Yondaime's student for nothing, obviously, he could almost _hope_ to match Ensui's speed. 

But Ensui ducked and rolled in and tight, pushing to keep close and precision strike Kakashi's sternum, speed lending force and pressure that meant taking a kick to the hip was worth it just for Kakashi's almost-wheeze. 

Keep it up. Keep it fast, keep it _close_. 

He wasn't anything like a hyuuga, nor was he a taijutsu expert. But he had speed on his side, and for every punch that Kakashi could land, Ensui could return twice over. 

His blind spot was a handicap of course - he was adjusting to it for the first spar since he'd lost his eye, but he didn't clear fucking villages with his reputation alone for nothing. He'd fought in complete darkness before, this was nothing. 

Kakashi wasn't terrible either - where Ensui was fast, Kakashi was was stronger, possibly, just in sheer physical prowess, but Ensui could just speed up, and attack him and shunshin over, and over, keep pressing in where Kakashi couldn't use his longer reach to his advantage, couldn't get the distance to use his long-range jutsu and that was his own fault wasn't it? He hadn't made the first move, thinking that a half-blind maiko wasn't anything like a match… 

It ended with him slamming Kakashi to the ground, Kakashi not-quite-panting because he just hadn't let him get the distance to use jutsu at ALL and forced him to use the speed that he couldn't match, and Ensui grinned victorious. 

"Yield?" 

"Yield," Kakashi said. 

Ensui leaned back - "And I didn't even need to use my sharingan," he said. 

"I caught your braid the one time." 

Ensui got back to his feet and tossed his head, flicking his braid back. "Did you get to _keep_ it?" he laughed. 

The look on Kakashi's face was almost a pout, and Ensui smirked. 

He spun around to head back to the safehouse, leaving Kakashi to deal with the mess they'd made of the clearing - maybe he'd figure out a way to actually light the tail of his hair on fire but not anything else. 

A controlled jutsu perhaps? It would be a weapon no one would expect a geisha to have.


	13. OMAKE 2: Chapter 9 Kabedon omake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if tenzou had been a little more literal minded in Chapter 9? 
> 
> AKA the Kabedon Outtake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the promised kabedon outtake, where if Tenzou was a little… ah, more literal minded, instead of how he was in [Chapter 9](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18982843/chapters/45738109). Enjoy! I nearly couldn't type this, I was laughing too hard because I crack me up and that's the important part of any humour right? :D

"- and then Kisame-san showed me his sword," Iruka said. 

He caught a glimpse of Kakashi going dark-eyed and INTENT and maybe Iruka was just teasing, just wanting to see whether that would be a jumpstart to either of them actually using their words, when a hand slammed into the wall next to him, jolting him with surprise. 

"Iruka-dono! You can't let people show you large swords!" 

Iruka blinked up at Tenzou who was a) very close and b) wild around the eyes. 

He could HEAR his heart speed up but he managed to keep his voice even. 

"Many shinobi have large swords," he said. 

There was a choked noise behind Tenzou - it probably was Ensui. 

"He's my client," Iruka went on, seeing Tenzou's gaze widen. "I can't very well tell him to sheathe it elsewhere can I?" 

"You - it's - it's not _safe_!" 

"Many samurai and lords have large swords too," Iruka continued. Just over Tenzou's shoulder, Iruka could see Ensui stuff his fist into his mouth, while Kakashi was visibly trying not to explode. 

"No one should be showing you their swords!" 

"I have a large sword too," Kakashi said, and his voice was almost shaky. 

"You're supposed to be on my side, senpai!" Tenzou glanced away enough that Iruka could take a ragged breath, and then glare at Ensui who had doubled over, shaking with the effort not to howl. 

"Are you saying that because you don't have one, Tenzou-san?" Iruka said, and that was cruel, that was a little mean, and Tenzou whipped his head back. 

"I can get one!" 

"Made of wood?" Ensui managed, thick with restrained laughter. 

"Yes!" 

The horrible part, Iruka thought, was that Tenzou was utterly sincere about it, and everyone but Tenzou knew Iruka was not talking about literal swords and. 

And. 

He swallowed hard, to keep his face straight. 

"Where else would they be putting their swords, Tenzou-san? I can't just expect them to neglect their swords." 

"Should sheathe them somewhere hot and wet," Ensui choked out. 

"That would just ruin the swords," tenzou said, turning finally to glare at Ensui. 

Iruka slipped away from the wall and Tenzou's arm while he was distracted. 

"I can't stop them from showing me their swords," Iruka said and relented a little. "But I wouldn't mind seeing yours. As long as it's not actually wood." 

Tenzou blinked a little. "Wha-" 

Iruka finally leaned in close and petted his cheek. "I'm not talking about the stabby kind of sword, Tenzou-san. Ensui-kun, come on, we have to go clean up." 

Tenzou blinked stupidly, as they left, and Kakashi could finally puddle to the floor in silent laughter.


End file.
